“Anything, Ozzie?”
OJ shook his head as he came out of the bathroom. Drix smiled wryly as he laid his hand on OJ’s head. OJ tried his best not to look disappointed over the fruitless result.
5 years have passed since their marriage tied Drix and OJ together. They lived in a perfect little condominium in Arm Lane, sharing good times together like wedded couples should be. They were given the title ‘Best Couple of FPD’ by the men of the FPD, and Kiaran Oxide, the new cell on the force, just love hanging around them.
There’s one small problem though of being together. They both were males and it was plain to see that OJ and Drix cannot have children of their own.
It’s not that they never tried. They tried a number of times, from consulting the doctors to eating certain food to create a possibility. None of them worked. OJ almost got sick a few times due to the side effects of the pregnancy medication, but no baby appeared. They tried to accept the fact that they’ll remain childless for the rest of their lives, but when they saw other couples who bring their children for family outings, they couldn’t help wanting one of their own.
“If I could just try a little harder, do more tests,” OJ said wishfully as he sat on the bed, “maybe we could work it out.”
“It’s alright, Ozzie,” Drix comforted his husband, “it’s not your fault. We can try other ways. I can’t risk you getting sick again.”
“Like what?” OJ was out of options.
“We can adopt. I heard that the Artery Cottage Orphanage has a lot of young red blood cells ready to be adopted.”
“I don’t know…” The idea of not having a child of the same fluid-line made OJ quite uneasy.
“It’s for the best, Ozzie. Face it; we can never create our own child. It’s a biological fact. We can adopt a baby if you wanna start from Square One. Whaddaya say?”
“Well…” OJ tried to brighten up his mood, “if it’s OK with you, yeah, I’d like a baby to start with.”
“Whatever you like, I’ll be pleased with it too,” Drix smiled and kissed OJ’s forehead. “I’ll try to contact the orphanage for an appointment, OK?”
OJ nodded. Drix kissed him again and went to the bathroom to shower. He filled up the bath tub and asked slyly, “So, Ozzie. You coming in with me or what?”
OJ smiled weakly as he went into the bathroom, reducing himself into nakedness. Drix laughed naughtily, swept him off his feet and dunked him into the bath tub. OJ’s body temperature heated up the water in the tub to lukewarm. Drix jumped in and started fondling his white blood cell’s warm glowing body seductively. OJ moaned, his senses tingled with pleasure.
Hot saucy blushes ensured.
“Good morning, Senior Jones!” Kiaran greeted cheerfully as he pranced towards OJ and Drix. “And to you too, Senior Drixenol!”
“Mornin’, Kiaran,” OJ returned his greeting. Drix nodded in acknowledgement.
“Are there any cases today?” OJ asked.
“Nope, not yet, but I got something for you!” Kiaran replied, smiling really wide.
“No wonder you’re exceptionally cheerful today,” Drix sat on OJ’s office couch. “What is it that you’ve got?”
“For Senior Jones’ eyes only!” Kiaran gave him a playful none-of-your-business look, then turned back to OJ and said, “I’ll give it to you during coffee break. Come alone!”
OJ and Drix were surprised at Kiaran’s sudden enthusiasm. Maybe he had a bad case of adrenaline overdose. Drix nodded when OJ gave him a whaddaya-think look. He mouthed the words, “Humour him.”
OJ grinned and turned to his junior, “Yeah, sure! Where’ll we meet?”
“At the lockers room. Be there and come alone, you hear me? ALONE!” Kiaran kept stressing the last word, glaring warningly at Drix. Drix raised both his hands as a promise that he won’t cheat. Kiaran nodded in satisfaction before dashing off to do his morning routine of ordering coffee for everybody in the FPD.
“What is that cell up to?” OJ raised an eyebrow curiously at Kiaran who was beginning to surprise everybody with his extraordinary cheerful attitude.
“You know juniors. They’re just full of surprises,” Drix said, going through a few files of already solved cases laid on OJ’s table.
“Then let’s pray to Frank that his surprise doesn’t give me a heart attack or something!”
“All right, Kiaran. What’s the surprise?”
OJ came to the lockers room as promised. Drix had no intention to follow OJ and eavesdrop about the whole mystery thing—he had better things to attend to.
“Senior Jones! You’re finally here!” Kiaran exclaimed happily as he rushed out from behind his locker. He had something behind his back and looked almost anxious to show it to him.
“So what’s the deal here? What do you want to show me?”
“Did you come alone?” Kiaran asked, craning his neck to look behind OJ. OJ rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I came alone. Drix’s not around.”
“Are you sure?” Kiaran was still skeptical.
“Just get this show on the road!”
“Alright! Alright!” Kiaran laughed at OJ’s anxiety and produced the thing he was hiding. “Tadaa~~!”
OJ raised an eyebrow when he saw what Kiaran showed him. It looked like a gun the size of a pen. Its metallic features shone like a jewel under the lights of the locker room. The bottom part of the gun was transparent and OJ could see gooey-looking greenish-blue fluid inside the gun.
“What is this thing?” OJ lowered his shades and peered into the gun with his haunting yellow eyes. Kiaran was all smiles.
“If you must know, Senior Jones, this is your future!”
“My future? What in the name of Frank are you talking about, Kia?”
“You and Senior Drix are planning to have a family now, aren’t you?”
“Well…yeah!” OJ replied, quite embarrassed and surprised at Kiaran’s sudden question. “How did you know?!”
“I have my ways, Senior Jones, I’m a professional,” Kiaran said proudly. “Anyway, since you’re a cell and he’s a pill and both of you are guys, your dream family is not likely to exist, right? So, I went to my god-uncle who works at the Penis Plant and got this baby here.”
“What is this exactly?” OJ was all ears now.
“This gun here is designed to take certain DNA samples of another person and sort of combine with all those thing-a-majigure or some sort. My god-uncle explained a lot of crap that I don’t really understand anyway. The point is you use this to take Senior Drixenol’s DNA and you’re beginning your first step in achieving your goal.”
“You’re talking crazy here, Kia,” OJ sort of got the idea but was afraid to jump into conclusions. “Why would I need Drix’s DNA?”
“Don’t you get it?” Kiaran was not at all offended by OJ’s ignorance. “I’m doing you a great favour! I’m helping you and Senior Drixenol to create a baby of your own! You want to have a son or daughter of your own fluid-line now, don’t you?”
OJ was dumbstruck. His insides were doing flip-flops at upon hearing Kiaran’s words. A child of their very own! This was what he and Drix had been trying to do for the past 5 years! Now that the opportunity was standing in front of him, screaming at his face, how could he resist?
“Are you sure about this, Kia?” OJ trembled as he spoke. “I’m gonna be pregnant and have Drix’s kid and all?”
“I swear to Frank that I got it all covered. My god-uncle is willing to help. He agreed there and then to put up with the procedure. It had been a while since he had a challenging experiment, not to mention an experiment such as this.”
“So…what am I supposed to do again?”
Softly, Kiaran explained to OJ how to use the mini-gun that might yet again change the course of OJ’s life.
Drix massaged his temples after reading through a huge score of files. It wasn’t easy scanning almost a dozen and a half files of cases involving germs, bacteria and viruses, let alone read them word by word. Drix groaned, tired and frustrated.
“You worked too much, Drix, let it rest,” OJ said, carrying a tall glass of lymph juice. “Here, have a drink.”
“Thanks,” Drix replied, taking the glass and drained it of its contents. He sighed in satisfaction and turned to his white blood cell husband. “You make the best drink anytime.”
“Well, that doesn’t make me your servant, you know.”
“Obviously not,” Drix grinned as he hugged OJ’s waist. “You’re my little sex bomb.”
“I’m not,” OJ pretended to be offended.
“Oh, yes, you are. My little sex bomb…” Drix drowned his last word by sniffing OJ’s neck. He carried OJ into the bedroom and threw him on the bed, kissing and nibbling him as he undressed his sexy white blood cell. OJ moaned and sighed in pleasure as Drix caressed and played seductively at his naked body. He was drowned into Drix’s suavity yet again, forgetting everything else but Drix as they stepped into the dangerous lane of sex and passion…
The couple collapsed in a careless heap, panting, obviously tired but satisfied of their love-making ‘session’. Drix stroked OJ’s warm face.
“I was kinda busy today that I hadn’t the time to call the orphanage. I’ll call as soon as I’m free, OK?”
OJ almost had a heart attack when Drix mentioned the orphanage. Not that he was being cruel—he had his share of being a helpless child when his family faced a phase of poverty—but he still couldn’t accept the fact that he and Drix are going bring home someone who didn’t really belong to them at all. ‘No!’ OJ thought, ‘I’m not going to let this chance of having a purely Ozzie\Drix-borne child in our family! It’s now or never!’
“It’s OK, Drix,” OJ said as he reached for the mini-gun he hid this evening in his dresser near the bed, “you take all the time you want. I’m not going to rush you. You’re already overworked.”
“You really know how to ease my burden, Ozzie. I’m…Ouch!”
In the dark, OJ laid the mouthpiece of the gun onto Drix’s arm and pulled the trigger. At Drix’s yell, OJ quickly hid the gun under his pillow, hoping that Drix’s eyesight in the dark is not as good as OJ’s newly improved eyes. Luckily, Drix was too busy minding his own arm to notice it.
“What is it, Drix?” OJ pretended to be anxious and concerned about Drix.
“Something bit me! Damn! I hope nothing’s serious.”
“I guess it’s those bed micro-organisms. They can be nuisance sometimes. I’ll disinfect this bed in the morning.”
“You’d better! By the way, what did Kiaran show you this evening? Is it really that special as he described it to be?”
“Ina way, yes. But nothing too peculiar, really. Just plain old teenage fanatic trend.”
OJ kissed Drix deeply to stop him from asking further questions.
OJ met Kiaran the next day during coffee break at the lockers room. He, of course, went there alone, without Drix knowing.
“You got his DNA?” Kiaran asked, hopeful.
“I guess so. I’m still blur about this little thing here,” OJ took out the mini-gun and handed it to Kiaran. Kiaran examined the goo inside the gun and grinned.
“Yup, you got his DNA alright. You see this red and yellow glowing micro-organism here?”
OJ looked at where Kiaran was pointing. Sure enough, there was a tablet-like red and yellow micro-organism swimming around the goo covered by a layer of bright film.
“Holy spit! Even his DNA looks like a cold pill!” OJ was impressed. “What’s that film around it?”
“That’s to keep it sterilized until further procedures are done,” Kiaran explained, aiming the gun at OJ’s arm. “Now, your turn.”
OJ rolled up his sleeve to produce his bare bluish-red membrane arm. Kiaran placed the gun’s claw-like mouthpiece onto the arm and pulled the trigger. In a second, the claw-like mouthpiece shrank back into the gun, taking a tiny piece of OJ’s arm with it. OJ winced, gritting his teeth.
“So that’s how Drix felt when I took his DNA,” OJ said as the hole in his arm regenerated itself back to normal. He looked into the goo in the gun and saw his DNA being wrapped up in film before swimming together with Drix’s DNA.
“Now all we have to do is take it to my god-uncle at the Penis Plant,” Kiaran pocketed the gun. “You have to come with me, though.”
“Why?” OJ put on his shades, covering his yellow eyes.
“’Coz we’re gonna make you a ‘mother’!”
The Penis Plant was extraordinarily high-tech. even the Mayor’s office couldn’t compete with this. It was filled with loads of technological gadgets that were unable to be comprehended. OJ watched in awe as dozens upon dozens of sperms were produced in glass pillars in such a short time.
Too bad Frank hadn’t the time to ‘get rid’ of all the ‘excess’. It was pretty crowded there.
‘Kiaran! My favourite nephew! Glad to see you again so soon!”
Kiaran was greeted by a tall purple cell with a thick moustache. He wore a long white scientist robe and looked very clever indeed. OJ grinned. Somehow that scientist looked like the Chief, only slimmer.
“And you must be the lucky cell Osmosis Jones,” the scientist shook OJ’s hand. “Oh, you’re a hot baby. Read about you in the head lines with that pill of yours. I tell you, my missus broke in tears when she saw how romantic that Drixenol guy proposed to you. Women! Always the sentimental ones, I always say…”
“Uhh, Senior Jones. My god-uncle, Mr. Dominic Patogen,” Kiaran cut in, introducing OJ to the mad scientist.
“Just call me Dome,” Dome smiled cheerfully. “Any friend of Kiaran is a friend of mine. So, Kiaran, you got their DNA?”
Kiaran took out the gun and handed it to Dome. He examined it and nodded in approval.
“Good, good, very good! Let’s get started, shall we? Come along, Jones, to the lab.”
OJ and Kiaran followed Dome from behind. They entered his lab (which stank of disinfectant) and were awed by the amount of chemicals and books in shelves he had. Dome ordered OJ to remove his clothes and sit on the operation table. OJ obeyed. As he did as he was told, he saw Dome doing a lot of complicated stuff with his and Drix’s DNA. With his yellow eyes, he saw him dripping yellow fluids on a palette, pouring the goo from the gun onto the yellow fluid, looking through his microscopic glasses, and a number of things OJ was beginning to lose interest in. finally he finished off by pouring the whole mess into a test tube. After alteration, the concoction looked grayish-blue.
“At last, it’s completed!” Dome exclaimed happily, wiping his brow with a hanky. “Check it out, Jones, your baby.”
OJ stared at the test tube, feeling doubtful.
“Don’t worry, Jones. When my god-nephew told me about your idea of having a kid, I did dozens of tests straightaway. I know what I’m doing.”
“What did you just do?” OJ was interested.
“Well, to make it simple, I combined your DNA and his DNA together and mixed some certain chemicals to make it regenerate itself and become a whole new independent cell. It’s growing now, and all we need to do is inject it into somewhere hollow in you. Let’s see…”
Dome took out a scanner and scanned through OJ’s abdomen. A few moments later, he found a spot right in the middle and smiled. He took the test tube containing the generating cell and took a syringe.
“This might hurt a little,” Dome warned, pulling the syringe to take in the cell.
“Do it, Dome. I’m ready,” OJ said as he lay down on the operating table. It’s now or never. There’s no turning back anymore.
Dome inserted the needle into OJ’s abdomen. OJ winced. Kiaran laid his hands on his shoulders to calm him down. The cell was injected. OJ gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as he felt the pressure in his abdomen building. Slowly Dome took out the syringe. It was finally over.
“You can get up and take a look if you want.”
OJ, with Kiaran’s help, slowly sat up. Dome took a large mirror and brought it in front of OJ. OJ stared at his reflection and widened his eyes in wonder.
There, in his abdomen, was the grayish-blue cell, circling around in him, generating and dividing itself into a whole new being. It had a glow of its own, probably inherited by OJ’s own body glow. OJ could see a few hints of red and yellow as it continued circling in him. It was their child alright.
“How long will I be pregnant?” OJ asked.
“About 2 or 3 month before it’s ready to be born,” Dome said. “You’re not a she-cell, so you are most likely to take a longer time period. In the mean time, you must come to me every 2 weeks to do a check-up to see how the baby goes. You understand?”
OJ nodded. He couldn’t care less anymore. He finally had his and Drix’s child. He’s ready to accept any treatment that can ensure their child’s safety.
“Well, I guess I have to say what we all want to say,” Dome chided cheerfully, feeling proud of his success. “Congratulations. You’re pregnant.”
“Where have you been, Ozzie?” Drix asked when OJ came back home. “I was so worried!”
OJ wrapped his jacket tighter and said, “I’ve been…well, somewhere. Nothing to worry about.”
“I’ve ordered take-out. You want some?”
“Yeah, sure,” OJ said as he followed Drix into the dining room. Drix ordered cheese boogers and mucus chips with lymph coke to go with. All of a sudden, the sight of fast food made him want to heave. He immediately rushed to the bathroom and puked his guts out. Drix was taken by surprise. He went to the bathroom and knocked the door.
“Ozzie, you OK?”
OJ heaved again.
“Guess not. I’m coming in then.”
“No!” OJ yelled sickly from inside. “Don’t! I’m OK! I just…” OJ couldn’t finish his words as he felt his insides jumping up to his throat. He heaved again.
“I don’t care, I’m coming in!” Drix insisted s he opened the bathroom door. “Alright, cold pill coming thru’. What’s the problem?”
“There’s no problem,” OJ groaned, his face still in the toilet bowl, “no problem at all.”
“You look awful,” Drix said as he patted OJ on the back. “Was it something you ate before?”
“No…it was…” OJ hesitated. He didn’t know if he should tell Drix about the baby. “It was nothing.”
“Ozzie, what happened?” Drix took hold of OJ’s shoulders, staring intently at his eyes. “You’re hiding something from me. I know it. Tell me, Ozzie.”
“I…I don’t know…” OJ was still hesitant. He was afraid of Drix’s reaction to the news.
“Ozzie, whatever happens, I’m with you all the way. I promise.”
OJ was half-convinced. Will he be happy? Will he be outraged? He had to tell him somehow. OJ finally made his decision. It’s now or never.
“You better promise you won’t freak out,” OJ warned as he removed his jacket.
“I promise,” Drix grinned.
OJ lifted up his shirt to show Drix the baby. It was still generating and dividing, progressing on forming into a full being. The face of the baby was quite visible. Drix gaped at the baby in him.
“O…Ozzie…? What…?”
“It’s our baby,” OJ replied sheepishly, scratching his chin. “I’m…I’m pregnant.”
“Our…But…You…How…?” Drix was at lost of words.
OJ explained as simple as possible how the whole procedure went. Drix blinked in disbelief as he heard every word coming out of OJ’s mouth.
“So that’s it,” OJ finished his explanation. “We did it, Drix! We have a baby of our own! Isn’t it wonderful? You don’t have to go through all the complications of adopting…”
Drix stood up abruptly and glided out of the bathroom. OJ was taken aback. What’s going on? Was he upset? Was he angry about it? Maybe he wanted to adopt all along but was backfired by OJ’s inconsiderate act. OJ was so overwhelmed and shocked by Drix’s sudden reaction that he heaved even more, crying as he puked his guts out again.
After cleaning himself, OJ peeked out of the bathroom. Drix was sitting on the bed, his hands covering his face. OJ sighed sadly s he stepped out of the bathroom. He sat beside Drix and tried to hold back his tears as he comforted him.
“I’m sorry, Drix. I…should’ve told you earlier about my plan. I’m sorry I did all this without asking you first…I…If…If it really makes you feel better…I…I’ll…I’ll abort this baby…”
All of a sudden, Drix grabbed OJ and hugged him close to his chest. For a split second there, OJ saw tears flowing out of Drix’s eyes. He felt Drix shook and sobbed as he held him tight.
“D…Drix?” OJ was surprised.
“Don’t. Don’t abort our baby,” Drix whispered, his voice trembling.
“I…I thought you’re mad about…”
“No! No, I’m not! I’m just happy! I’m too happy; I couldn’t contain myself! I don’t wanna break down in front of you!”
“Then…our baby…?”
“Yes, I’m glad! I am so glad! Oh Frank, I don’t know what to say! We’re gonna be parents! I love you, Ozzie, I love you!”
“I love you too,” OJ whispered as he let his tears fall freely down his cheeks. They kissed passionately, congratulating each other on being newly parents-to-be. Drix laid his hand on OJ’s abdomen, feeling the warm heat of the glowing baby.
The night was peaceful.
“Everything a-OK for now, Jones.”
OJ went for his first 2-week check-up, accompanied by Kiaran ND Drix. The baby inside OJ wasn’t circling anymore. It somehow stayed put, beginning to form somewhat clearer features of its body. OJ smiled at the outcome.
“The baby’s doing really well, Jones,” Dome commented as he rummaged through a huge incubator. “That kid’s a real fighter!”
“Just like his parents,” Kiaran replied, feeling very cheerful indeed. “Both of them are pretty much a killer!”
“Whatever,” OJ didn’t really bother about other people’s thoughts anymore, now that he’s pregnant and having Drix by his side.
“Here, Jones. I got something for the baby,” Dome said as he took a large box filled with test tubes. Inside the test tubes were greenish-blue liquid that didn’t seem very friendly-looking.
“What in the name of Frank is that?” OJ asked.
“It’s Ice Film,” Dome replied, taking out one of the test tubes. “I have run tests and found out that your body temperature, although alterable, is still too high for the baby to take. This film juice here will build a protective layer around the baby so that you don’t start burning it into a crisp.”
OJ and Drix eyed at the green fluid in the test tube warily. OJ still thought it looked scary and unfriendly.
“Come on, Jones, drink up. The baby’s the most important issue now.”
OJ grimaced as he took the test tube. With one gulp, he swallowed the fluid down. It felt icy and tingly in his throat, like a mint cough drop would taste like. Slowly, he felt the coldness spread in his stomach. He looked down to see the green fluid actually wrapped his baby up. For once he felt coldness inside him since his infection by Thrax.
“That’s a good boy. Now, you have to drink it every 3 hours to keep it cold and protected. One forgotten tube and it’ll be history for the little critter.”
“I’ll set the timer,” Drix said as he started pressing buttons on his hand cannon. OJ smiled wekly and shook his head. Drix always thought about everything and worried about everything ever since he was pregnant. Not that he didn’t want to be pampered, but sometimes Drix takes things too seriously.
“You have any idea about it being a boy or a girl?” Drix asked after setting the timer on his hand cannon.
“No. Not yet. I don’t think I will ever have an idea,” Dome said as he closed his incubator. “It never is easy to determine the sex of a cell until it is born. I guess you’ll just have to wait.”
“I don’t mind waiting,” OJ replied as he laid his hands on his abdomen, going all smiles.
“I mind,” Drix pouted.
“Patience is virtue, Senior Drixenol,” Kiaran pointed, acting like a philosopher.
“Whatever.”
Drix’s timer went off. He took out a test tube and called, “Ozzie, time to drink your formula!”
“Oh, man! Do I have to?” OJ whined reluctantly.
Drix was constantly bossing OJ around, expecting him to drink the unfriendly Ice Film every 3 hours. Everyone in the FPD knew about OJ’s pregnancy, thanks to Drix’s conspicuous attitude of reminding OJ to drink the film juice. OJ was called into the Chief’s office and was given desk jobs until the baby’s born. OJ groaned, feeling embarrassed. He hated desk jobs. He loved action and adventure, not sticking his butt on chairs typing silly reports and documents.
If Kiaran hadn’t brighten things up for him, OJ would’ve become sulky at Drix all day. “Just be thankful no one else is gonna read about you in the headlines,” he said.
Now, at home, Drix was still bossing OJ around. OJ rolled his eyes as he took the test tube and drank it. So far, he had been going on his regular check-ups and the baby has always turned out fine.
“I don’t see why I have to keep drinking this cold stuff,” OJ complained as he dumped the test tube into the trash can. “Dome said the baby is doing OK.”
“It’s because of this stuff that makes our baby OK,” Drix said, folding his arms. “Don’t underestimate the power of medicine.”
“Yeah. You’re a medicine yourself.”
“Cold pill, to be exact.”
“What are we gonna name this little critter when it’s born?” OJ asked as he sat in front of the TV watching a sitcom.
“I haven’t thought about that,” Drix sat beside OJ, putting his arm across his shoulders. “What do you have in mind?”
“Well…I was thinking of naming it Kiaran if it’s a boy, ‘coz Kia did help out a lot in getting us our kid.”
“Hmm…Naming him after our junior,” Drix considered. “That’s a good way to honour him for all his effort on helping us. I like it.”
“Your turn. What will you name it if it’s a girl?”
“Hmm…I think I’ll name her after my sister, Drixena. I think she’ll like it.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister!” OJ was surprised at this new side of his husband.
“I do. But, like I told you, in my side of the world, competition is lethal. Somehow we even wonder whether we’re really siblings.”
“How does she look like?”
Drix rushed off to get his photo album. He flipped through the pages and pointed at a red and yellow pill who was standing beside him during Graduation Day. She didn’t look bulky and built, like Drix. She had a sexy body figure, with a very sweet smile, unlike the solemn-looking Drix. There were a few similarities between the siblings though; the red and yellow complexion and the bubble-jet feet.
“She’s so pretty!” OJ exclaimed, amazed. “Is she really your sister?”
“Everyone at college asked me the same question,” Drix rolled his eyes helplessly.
They spent the whole evening looking at Drix’s photo album until the next Ice Film intake.
Things looked pretty busy in the FPD. The number of germs and bacteria brought in were quite a lot. OJ looked over from his desk in wonder. It’s been a while since the FPD have been working around the clock.
“What’s with all the germs, Kia?” OJ asked as he stopped typing to take a closer look, curious.
“Frank’s at it again with his unhealthy diet of raw undone food and moldy bread,” Kiaran replied, shaking his head in disgust. “Looks like our Mayor has lost his effect on him.”
“Odd,” Drix tapped his lip with a concerned look on his face. “I thought his daughter Shane was making progress in shaping up Frank. As far as I’m concerned, Mayor Colonic is constantly monitoring Shane’s move and making Frank’s decisions. He should be doing well by now.”
“Old habits die hard, Drix,” OJ grinned as he got up and stepped out of his office. “I’ve been here long enough to know that Frank’s gonna start his old habits any time soon, no matter how near to death they’d take him.”
“Senior Jones, you should not be out there,” Kiaran warned. “There are a hoard of germs and bacteria out there that haven’t been registered in yet.”
“Relax, Kia. I’m just going out to the vending machine to get some lymph coke for us,” OJ said coolly, without a hint of worry in his tone.
“Kiaran’s right,” Drix said, his face showing a I-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this look, “maybe you should stay in the office. I’ll go get the coke.”
“Don’t worry, Drix, I’ll be fine! Stop babying me already! It’s just a short distance from here. How hard can it be?”
Without letting his husband Drix and Kiaran give out anymore protests, OJ walked swiftly out of the office and went towards the vending machine. He dropped a few coins and got himself three cans of lymph coke. As he walked back to his office, someone said in a raspy voice, “Hey, aren’t you Osmosis Jones?”
OJ turned to face the owner of the voice. Beside him, with his hands cuffed, sat an earth-green bacterium glaring at him with a very vicious-looking red eye. His body was covered with loads of black spots and he didn’t look too friendly to OJ.
“Who wants to know?” OJ asked, looking curiously at the bacterium as if he had seen him somewhere before.
“Don’t you remember me, Jones?” The bacterium asked, glaring hotly at OJ. “I’m the brother of the seafood bacteria you arrested a long time ago.”
“Oooohh…I remember you! You’re Shanks, right? Shunks’ brother?” OJ recalled the scene when he arrested a pair of bacteria which hijacked a sushi and slipped into Frank. They weren’t the very harmful type but the older brother, Shunks, committed a crime which endangered almost a lot of red blood cells. The younger, Shanks had no part of the crime and, of course, had no idea that his brother did this evil deed, so he begged OJ to release him. Shunks refused to be taken behind bars, so he held OJ’s hand that has the gun and pull the trigger. He died right in front of everybody present.
“What brings you here, Shanks? Released a few spores or something?” OJ asked.
“It took me so long to get here, to meet you face to face!” Shanks stood up abruptly and rammed his body at OJ, sending him crashing onto the counter. The lymph coke he was carrying scattered all over the place.
“You son of a paramecium! You fucking spore! If it weren’t for you, my brother wouldn’t have chosen to kill himself! I hate you!! It’s all your fault my brother’s dead!! I want you dead! Die, Jones, DIE!!!”
Shanks kicked him over and over again, stepping on him in pure hatred. OJ curled himself up to keep him from doing any further damage. The other white blood cells of the FPD tried to apprehend him but he was too big for them to stop. Finally, before Shanks could hurt him more, he was iced on the feet by Drix’s hand cannon. Shanks fell over and the men jumped on him, holding him down.
“You OK, Ozzie?” Drix helped OJ up on his feet.
“I…I guess so…” OJ tried to stand up. He began to worry when he felt something wrong inside him. Was it…?
“Eat this, Jones!” Shanks gave OJ a kick on the abdomen when the men brought the bacteria back on his feet. OJ gasped as he felt a terrible jab not only from Shanks’ kick, but also inside his abdomen. The pain was excruciating—so painful that OJ couldn’t get up and fell to the floor again.
“Ozzie?” Drix was worried. OJ gritted his teeth and hugged his abdomen tight.
“Oow… the…the baby…” Tears began to flow out of his eyes. He couldn’t stand the pain, and he surely couldn’t find the strength to face the fact that something was happening to their baby.
“Oh no! You bastard!” Drix yelled, aiming a punch at Shanks. “Did you know what you have done?!”
“Senior Drixenol!” Kiaran came along and propped OJ’s head. “We’d better take him to Uncle Dome now! He doesn’t look too good.”
Drix wanted to hit the bacteria some more but the baby was at stake. He carried him in his arms and rushed to the car. The men of FPD watched anxiously as Kiaran took the wheel and drove off down to the road leading to the Penis Plant. Even the Chief who saw everything from his office prayed to Frank that everything will be OK.
“Oww…It hurts, man! Damn it, it hurts!” OJ whined painfully. “Our baby…Drix, our baby…!”
“Everything’s gonna be fine, Ozzie, I’m here. You’re gonna be OK,” Drix held OJ close, comforting him and praying for Frank to have mercy over their child.
“Holy sputum! What the heck happened here, Kiaran?” Dome exclaimed when he saw Drix and Kiaran barged into his lab with OJ in Drix’s arms, groaning and moaning as he clutched his abdomen.
“We had a few complications at the FPD, Uncle Dome. Senior Jones was attacked,” Kiaran explained as he helped Drix lay OJ on the operation table. OJ curled up again, his face wet with sweat and tears at upon holding the terrible pain in his abdomen.
“Dome, please,” Drix begged. “You gotta help him. He was kicked right on the spot. I’m afraid…”
“Don’t say it, Drix, please!! Don’t say it!! Please…don’t…” OJ was trying to deny the possibility. “Just help me…Please, Dome…it hurts…”
“I’ll try,” Dome replied, advancing towards OJ. He put a little pressure with his fingers on OJ’s abdomen, checking the baby. Moments later, he looked up and said solemnly, “He has to go on labour now. The baby is ready to be born.”
“Hang in there, Ozzie, I’m right here.”
OJ was sitting on the operation table, panting and gasping as he tried to hold on to the pain. He was stripped naked with only a blanket to cover the lower part of his body. Drix was behind OJ, hugging him from that position, and Dome was in front of OJ, clasping his hands.
“Hang on, Jones, hang on. Don’t panic. Just relax. It’ll be all over soon,” Dome coached as he held OJ’s hands tighter. OJ gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes occasionally, still trying to hang on to the pain. Kiaran stood beside the trio, waiting with a towel in his hands.
“It’s coming! It’s coming! Hang in there, Jones!”
The baby inside OJ’s abdomen was squeezing itself out. OJ screamed out loud in pain, fidgeting everywhere and was in the verge of tossing and turning. Drix held him tight to keep him in place, yelling at him not to move. Dome held his hands even tighter to make him stay still. The baby inside him squeezed out even more, stretching itself out of OJ’s abdomen, beginning to break the skin membrane. OJ screamed even more. Kiaran winced as he shrank further and further away from the background.
“OWW~~ DAMN IT! IT HURTS!!!! OH FRANK, IT HURTS!!!! OOWW~~”
“Hold on, Jones, hold on! It’s almost over,” Dome encouraged the screaming OJ. The skin membrane has already split, but still not enough to force the baby out.
“Drix, help me~~!!! It hurts!! HELP ME, PLEASE~~!!!” OJ wailed. He never felt so degraded like this before—a tough, street smart guy crying like a baby for help. And in front of his own junior! OJ couldn’t stop crying or letting his tears fall like rain down his face, no matter how he tried.
“It’s alright, Ozzie, I’m right here with you,” Drix whispered, comforting OJ as much as he could. “I’m right by your side. Just hang on and relax. Let Dome take care of this. It’s alright.”
OJ let out another scream as his skin membrane split even wider. It wasn’t the usual dividing he used to do during his days as a cop. Even dividing and splitting his body into half or morphing into other beings didn’t hurt that bad. The baby was inching its way out of OJ’s body. OJ could feel the top part of the baby touching his thighs. He panted and gasped, gritting his teeth as he tried to hang on to the pain.
“Just keep holding on, OK, Jones? I’m gonna help you get the baby out,” Dome said as he let go of OJ’s hands. He took hold of the baby and slowly inched it out of the abdomen. With a few good pull, the baby finally slid out of OJ and landed on his thighs. OJ was trying hard not to scream when the baby slid out of him but he couldn’t help letting out a few whines and gagging.
“Kiaran, get me a scalpel,” Dome ordered, “and hand me the towel.”
Kiaran obeyed. Dome took the towel and wiped the excess goo off the baby. OJ opened his eyes weakly as his split membrane regenerated itself back to normal. Kiaran found the scalpel and handed it to Dome. Drix gazed in anxiety, fearing for the baby’s safety. Dome took the scalpel and cut slowly through the thin film that wrapped the baby. It was the film that OJ has been drinking in for the past 3 months.
“Oh, my Frank!” Dome exclaimed after he saw what was inside the thin film. His eyes widened in wonder.
“What is it, Dome? Anything wrong?” Drix was starting to get worried. OJ was too tired to speak, but he was obviously anxious too.
“Your kid is doing fine,” Dome replied in suppressed happiness, “in fact they’re perfectly OK! They really are a pair of fighters like you!”
“Th…They…?”
Dome slipped his hands into the film and took out not one cell, but two bawling baby cells. One had OJ’s bluish-red complexion, glowing steadily in sky-blue. The other had Drix’s red and yellow complexion (which means the inside was red and the skin membrane outside was yellow—it’s still a cell, after all) and was also glowing steadily in sun-yellow. OJ and Drix gaped in awe.
“It’s both a boy and a girl,” Dome announced. “You guys have twins! This is the rarest of the rare! You’re the only one to have this sort of breed!”
“D…Drix…we…we have twins…?” OJ said weakly. Drix was at lost of words. He could only nod. OJ outstretched his arms, wanting to hold the babies. Dome, after cleaning the babies, handed them to OJ. OJ cradled them in his arms, gazing at them lovingly.
“Oh, my babies…hey there…Papa’s here…” OJ whispered. The babies gurgled, as if they knew who was calling them. Drix took one of the twins and held it with tender care, as if one small move would squelch it into nothingness.
“Looks like we can use both the names we gave them now,” Drix said. OJ nodded weakly as Kiaran helped OJ to dress into his patient clothes.
“I’ve contacted the medical crew to come and fetch you guys, so that you and the babies can get a thorough check-up. Jones lost quite a lot of fluids there,” Dome said as he hung up the telephone.
“Thanks, Dome, for everything,” Drix thanked the scientist sincerely. OJ has already fallen asleep out of fatigue, his arms holding possessively on the she-baby cell.
“Don’t mention it,” Dome replied. “Glad to help out. You’ve brought fun to my monotonous job here anyway.”
“So, what are you gonna name them?” Kiaran asked, helping out to wrap the babies. “Any ideas?”
“We’ve already got names,” Drix said proudly. “The boy will be named Kiaran Jr. Jones Methamphedamine and the girl will be named Drixena-Benzo Jones Methamphedamine.”
“Wow! That’s a mouthful! But it’s cool,” Kiaran said at first, then stopped whatever he was doing and asked, “Did you say you’re naming the boy Kiaran?”
The next day, OJ was visited by the men of FPD, including the Chief, at the hospital. Kiaran announced proudly that he was made a god-father to the twins.
“Does that mean we’re also getting a share at taking of taking care of the twins?” The Chief asked hopefully, tickling Kiaran Jr.
“Sure,” OJ said in his usual cool way, after having a good night sleep. “You can take care of them anytime you want. You’re all family to him. Right, Drix?”
Drix nodded, watching as the other men of the FPD fussing over the twins. Reporters did come last night to get the scoop of the story when they heard wind about OJ having babies, but the medical team and Drix, joined by Kiaran, shooed them all away. OJ didn’t care about the reporters; he had his eyes only for his twin cells now. Drix admired the way OJ put up with these things and gave him a deep, passionate kiss, much to Kiaran’s awkwardness.
Since then, the FPD became the second home of the twins.
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