CHAPTER 10 – THE CONFESSION
Jude was pretty restless. So restless she wanted to explode. Everyday she saw Prof. Snape in front of her, lecturing and criticizing during lessons, and every night he was there, guiding her and teaching (although not so kindly) on her magic training in the field. He’s so near, yet so far. She really wants to just throw herself in his arms and tell him that she loved him, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.
It wasn’t that she never tried. So many times she tried to confess to Prof. Snape about her love towards him, yet so many times she failed. It was hard for her because she didn’t want anyone to know her little secret. She tried writing a love letter but ended up throwing them into the fire because she sucked in writing them. She tried telling him in person but every time she tried to go near to him, her heart pumped so fast and so uncomfortably, she felt like as if she would either throw up or end up seeing her heart fall out of her chest and onto the floor with a noisy squelch. Besides Draco’s obsession for her was not easy to erase and avoid, and she was beginning to suspect that Tony also had a heart for her, judging by the way he treated her so nice.
Finally she decided to consult Prof. Lupin. She stayed back after DADA class to talk to him.
“Sir, can…can I talk to you?” Jude came to his table.
“Sure, Judith. Go ahead.”
Jude hesitated. She didn’t know where to start. She began to go red when she said, “Well…I don’t know how to say this but…well, it’s got something to do with someone I have a crush on.”
“Ahh! Someone’s heart is blooming with roses. Who is the lucky guy, may I know?” Prof. Lupin grinned.
“This might sound crazy, but…”
“Hey, I’ve heard crazier things. What can be crazier than this?”
“,” Jude blurted out all in one go.
“Now that’s crazy.”
Jude sulked. She was embarrassed. She felt stupid. She never should’ve said it. She gathered her books and made for the door.
“Wait, Judith! What’s wrong? Don’t you want to talk about it?” Prof. Lupin was surprised at her sudden reaction.
“It’s crazy. Forget that I said it. Forget that I asked.”
“No, no, no. Come back. Sit down. I want to talk. What are teachers for, hmm?”
Jude hesitantly took a stool and sat in front of Prof. Lupin’s table. She looked down on the floor, blushing worse than a tomato.
“Now let me get this straight,” Prof. Lupin rubbed his chin. “You have a crush on Severus Snape, right?”
Jude nodded.
“Does he know about this?”
Jude shook her head.
“Does anyone else know about this?”
Another head-shaking.
“You have to know that Severus is a really impossible person. He almost has no feelings at all. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can even make him laugh or cry or show just a little bit of emotion. And you do know he’s 23 years apart from you, don’t you, Judith?”
“I know all that, sir. And I don’t care. I know he has an unbreakable attitude, he’s old enough to be my father and I know he’s probably the most horrible teacher in Hogwarts. But I like him…a lot! So much that it hurts! I want to tell him about my feelings but…I can’t. I’m…I’m too embarrassed. Besides, Draco is constantly at my feet.”
“Draco Malfoy? Why would you say that?”
“Because he has a crush on me! And also I suspect Tony Brixius is also having a crush on me.”
“You lucky girl! Why don’t you embrace either of them?” Prof. Lupin was quite surprised.
“Duh! Because I don’t like them! I only like Tony as a friend, or more or less a brother, and I have absolutely no other feelings for Draco except contempt!” Jude lowered her head again, downcast. “I don’t know what else I can do…”
Prof. Lupin smiled and stood up. He went over to Jude and patted her shoulder, “It’s always like that. Love’s never that simple, you know.”
“I just want him to know how I feel! If he can’t accept me, fine! I’ll step back! I just want him to know my true feelings for him…”
“Don’t give up, Judith. You just have to keep on trying. You’ll get your chance. Find a way to do it and everything will be fine. You just need to gather up more courage to do it, or else you will never succeed.” Prof. Lupin went back to his table to gather his books. “What’s your next class?”
“Potions. Combined with the Ravenclaws.”
“What luck! Run along now before you miss him.”
Jude got off the stool and walked away, feeling much better. She enjoyed talking to Prof. Lupin. He’s a kind one. She topped at the door and turned around, asking, “Don’t you feel weird, like it’s wrong for a student to like a teacher?”
“Of course not, Judith,” Prof. Lupin replied. “There is no right or wrong in love. It’s just the way it goes.”
Jude left the classroom, satisfied. Prof. Lupin shook his head.
“Children from the East. Their minds mature so fast.”
Jude waited until the end of Potions class. She had made up her mind there and then to tell Prof. Snape about her feelings towards him. She wasn’t going to wait for the rest of her life anymore. It’s now or never.
Finally, after quite a long wait, the class ended. She did her things unusually slow. She persuaded Draco and Tony to leave without her. She slowly picked up a rug and cleaned her desk of all the spilt potion she made. Until she made sure that she and Prof. Snape was alone, then she brought all her courage to come up to Prof. Snape.
“Err…sir? I…uhh…I have something to ask you.”
“Well, isn’t that a pleasant surprise? You normally do not ask questions, Light. You just blunder your way through class,” Prof. Snape’s tone wasn’t very helpful in gathering her courage though. Jude leaned a little towards Prof. Snape.
“Say someone has a crush on you, or even a small liking for you, what would you do, sir?”
“I would most definitely tell her that she is wasting her time because I’m not interested in commitments.”
“What if that person is a student, and she is in your house?”
“I would definitely tell her to concentrate more on her studies than this ridiculous emotion of hers. Such attitude is intolerable. Why do you ask, Light? Is there a certain teacher you have a crush on? Prof. Lupin, perhaps?”
“No, absolutely not!” Jude blushed like someone who just ate a bag of chili. “I have no particular liking for him!”
“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to the Great Hall for some lunch.”
Almost instinctively, Jude shot out her hand and grabbed Prof. Snape’s robe sleeve. Like an electric current, a series of scenes suddenly flashed through her eyes. She realized that she was looking at Prof. Snape’s past, from a small 6-year-old boy with shoulder-length hair bearing a mark of a skull with a forked tongue to a 12-year-old preteen studying in Hogwarts having silent feuds with a bunch of naughty-looking boys. He had that same cold look as the present Prof. Snape.
Then another scene followed. She saw Prof. Snape running towards a playground which she recognized was the playground of her housing estate. She saw blood everywhere, covering the see-saw, the swings, the merry-go-round and even the flower bushes. She saw corpses on the ground, on the road, dangling on the swing poles, everywhere. Finally she saw Prof. Snape’s eyes. They were cold as usual, but there was a trace of emotion in them. She saw his thin lips, right there, just right there in front of her, waiting to be claimed. She didn’t care if any of these scenes she saw was real or not. She grabbed his collar and kissed…
When she opened her eyes, she felt like kicking herself when she realized what she had done. She let go of Prof. Snape’s collar abruptly and looked down, feeling embarrassed and very guilty. She could see that the Potions Master was really very angry.
There was a long silence between them. The silence was so thick, it was suffocating her. Jude decided to say it before she lost her chance, “Prof. Snape, I…have a crush on you. I was curious about you ever since I noticed you during the special sorting session and…I…uhh…I think I’m in love with you.”
Prof. Snape remained silent, staring back at her coldly with his hand on his mouth.
“I didn’t mean to…I won’t tell anyone…I promise I’ll…”
“Get out, Light. Leave!” Prof. Snape hissed, pointing towards the door. Jude gathered her books and walked slowly towards the door. She could feel Prof. Snape’s eyes glaring at her with contempt and anger as she put one foot out of the door. She turned around and gazed at her beau hopefully.
“I love you, sir.”
“Out, NOW!!” Prof. Snape snarled, his hand holding dangerously on the wand, ready to strike.
Jude left. She didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. It felt wonderful to be able to get this feeling off her chest, and it felt fabulous to give her virgin kiss to someone she loved so much. Yet she felt blue because although one half of her expected Prof. Snape to react this way, the other half expected him to react otherwise. She wanted him to accept her, to take her in his arms, holding her close and never letting her go, or at least give her a stern lecture about ‘forbidden student-teacher relationships’, not like this. She felt sad for him too because she saw his forbidden past.
She wasn’t too happy about this new found power either.
Everyone gasped at upon hearing the news Rach has revealed. She was suspicious about Jude who suddenly dilly-dallied after Potions class and hid somewhere secluded to see what was going on. She saw the whole thing.
“You’re pulling our legs, right?” Darren said, horrified. “Please tell me it’s not real!”
“I wished it wasn’t, but that’s exactly what I heard and saw. There’s no mistake about that, I tell you,” Rach said dourly, folding her arms across her chest.
“She can’t like him! It’s like tampering with death!” Ron exclaimed, his heart broken into a million pieces. “And…And he’s already 36! Old enough to be her father! She can’t just like him like that!”
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake! You people from the East sure are unpredictable!” Hermione groaned in exasperation.
Tony, who was silent throughout the whole hot discussion, wasn’t too surprised about Rach’s news. He had a head-start about Jude’s liking towards Prof. Snape during last year’s Quidditch incident. He had finally made the decision. He didn’t care whether Draco was going to kill him for this or not. He has made up his mind to do it.
It’s almost near training time. Jude put back the book she was reading into the shelves and was ready to leave for the field. She hoped that Prof. Snape hasn’t taken much offence to her sudden attitude. She was afraid he would expel her. As she went on her way, she heard someone calling her name. She turned around and saw Tony beckoning at her from one secluded corner of the library. She went to him.
“Tony! I didn’t notice you! What are you doing here?”
“Well…There’s something I have to tell you.”
“Can’t you talk as we walk?”
“No, it’s private. I have to tell it to you here.”
Jude sighed. She’s not in the mood for games right now, but she decided to humour him. “Alright. Make it snappy. I have to leave for my nightly training. And you don’t want to be caught by that stupid cat Mrs. Norris.”
Without warning, Tony seized her and pinned her to the wall. Jude gasped. This was the first time she’d seen him react like this. Tony has always been a timid, silent guy. She struggled to break free from his grasp.
“Let go, Tony! What the hell are you doing?”
“Forget about Prof. Snape! He’s not worth it!” Tony hissed, his eyes meeting Jude’s.
“W…What are you talking about? What is this?” Jude blushed, shocked that her secret has been found. “What are you trying to say?”
“I love you, Judith. I love you with all my heart. The first time I’ve set eyes on you, I have already fallen deeply in love with you! You are the most special person I’ve ever met.”
“I knew it. I knew you had a thing for me. But I’m sorry, I cannot accept you,” Jude huffed, looking away. “You are more like a friend, a brother to me. Nothing more!”
“That’s not it. It’s because of Prof. Snape, isn’t it?”
Jude remained silent.
“How could you like such a…a bore and a beast like him? He is nowhere handsome, he’s downright cold and emotionless and he doesn’t even have a care for the world! Why would you want someone like him?”
“That’s none of your business,” Jude replied, still not looking at Tony.
“He doesn’t even love you!”
“I don’t care!!”
“Well, I care! Judith, I don’t want you to be sad because of him. I want you to be happy, not in tears and in anger. I want to give you a blissful life. Can that cold-hearted Potions Master give you that? I don’t think so!”
“Tony, stop it! I don’t want to talk about it anymore…”
Before she could wrench herself free, Tony had leaned forward and claimed her lips. He stuck his deeply into her throat, tasting every corner of her mouth inside. Jude struggled to tear away from him but he refused to let go. He wanted to make her his. He wanted to make sure that she belonged to him forever. He slipped his hands into her robes and squeezed her breast, making her whimper in shock. But he still didn’t let her lips go.
Suddenly Tony felt his whole body being dragged away by some force. He hit one of the book shelves and sent dozens of books raining on him. Jude gasped for breath; she was kissed for too long. She looked up and held her breath when she saw that it was Prof. Snape glaring coldly at Tony who was brushing the books off him hastily. When Tony noticed Prof. Snape’s presence, he half-shrunk away from him.
“Brixius, this kind of behaviour is totally despicable and unacceptable by the school! You are a Slytherin!”
“Sorry, sir,” Tony muttered through gritted teeth.
“You lay another finger on Light and it’ll be the death of you!” Prof. Snape continued, advancing towards him. “Now go back to your dorm before I report you to the Headmaster, and no more monkey businesses like this! That’ll be 30 points from you. Leave, now!”
Tony walked away unwillingly after putting all the books back into the shelf with the ‘Reparo’ spell. Jude got back on her feet and adjusted her robes (and bra) with he back turned towards Prof. Snape.
“You’re late, Light. Everyone is waiting for you at the field,” Prof. Snape said coldly as usual, waiting for Jude to finish adjusting herself.
“Sorry, sir. And thank you, sir, for helping me,” Jude replied, feeling relieved that Prof. Snape didn’t take offence to her sudden attitude.
Prof. Snape nodded as he walked in front her to lead her to the field. Jude still had something to say.
“I…err…well, I…about that incident, I…err…I apologize. I didn’t think…”
“I’ve put it behind me. Don’t mention it anymore,” Prof. Snape replied briefly.
“I don’t want to sound too straightforward or anything but…about my confession, you…?” Jude was hopeful. Prof. Snape turned towards her and folded his arms.
“No. I cannot accept.”
“Why?” Rejection was so hard to take.
“Because you are a student and I’m a teacher, and that’s where we stand. Now, enough talk. Let’s move on. We’re already very much late.”
Jude was even more downcast to hear that he would not give her a more comforting answer. She bit her lip. She remembered accidentally seeing into Prof. Snape’s past. She somehow felt sorry for him. Whoever gave him that mark on his hand must have deprived him of love and care. She could see that the mark was evil. She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him with her hug, but she realized where she was standing—a petite little student with no authority against a mighty, cold teacher. She wept silently as she trailed behind her house teacher.
Suddenly she was again shot by an unseen force. She flew past the shocked Prof. Snape and banged onto a heavy door. When she tried to get up, she felt the familiar burning feeling inside her again. It was excruciating. It was worse than her last inferno attack. She felt the fire running down her veins, her arteries and engulfing her lungs, wrapping her heart tightly. She could feel herself going under cardiac arrest. She began to burn up again, her whole body catching fire. It was so terrible. She felt like she was going to die there and then.
Prof. Snape running towards her was the last thing she saw.
Becka and Rach waited anxiously with Prof. Lupin and Sirius Black for Prof. Snape and Jude to appear. Sirius groaned and said, “Where the heck is Severus? It’s almost midnight already! I’m going to die of boredom!”
“Patience is virtue, Sirius. He’ll be here any minute now,” Prof. Lupin said.
Becka and Rach looked at each other in worry. What is happening back at the castle? They were afraid that Prof. Snape would do something horrible to Jude after the kissing incident. They were also riddled by the story she told them about Prof. Snape discussing with Prof. Dumbledore about the 3 mysterious witches: Dark, Cold and Black Witch.
“Who do you think they are?” Rach asked. “I’ve tried checking the library about them, but none of them are mention in either book. Not even in the restricted area.”
“I don’t know. I have no idea too,” Becka replied. “I tried discussing it with Hermione but she also said she had no idea who they were. Harry and Ron are of no hope either.”
“Do you think these witches are some kind of evil characters or something? Their names sound really dark.”
“Maybe they’re the daughters of someone very horrible. Maybe they belong to that You-Know-Who himself!”
Rach suddenly felt an aura. It was hot, searing hot, like someone just being burnt to death. She got up immediately and yelled, “Jude! She’s in trouble! I felt it!”
Everyone gasped and followed her as she ran back into the castle. She was right. She was there, curled up into a naked ball and Prof. Snape trying to beat the flames away, which didn’t seem to work. Instinctively, Rach and Becka pushed Prof. Snape aside and laid their bare hands onto Jude’s naked burning body.
The next few changes surprised everyone present.
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