CHAPTER 23 – THE OTHER SIDE OF SNAPE
An atmosphere of sadness and grief hung over the Hospital Wing. It was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Jude laid lifelessly on the bed, bandaged from her breast-down in white.
Becka and Rach huddled together, holding their babies and sobbed. Cedric held the duo close to his chest, consoling them. Harry gazed at Jude sadly. Hermione buried her face on Ron’s shoulder, letting out muffled wails, while Ron cried silent tears. The Hawkins siblings also cried. Prof. Dumbledore took off his glasses and mourned with Prof. Lupin. Prof. McGonagalle blew her nose. Sirius joined in the mourning from his bed. Hagrid bawled like a baby.
“Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Ma’am Lucius lil’ lassie’s dead! What am I goin’ to tell da ma’am? She’ll be so sad!”
“It has to be done,” Prof. Dumbledore said quietly. “It is our obligation to inform any news about their children to the parents. If you can’t tell her, then I will.”
“Such fine lass!” Hagrid sobbed and blew his nose with a loud honk. “She’s so young, yet so fine! I hasn’t got more time to know her! Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo~!”
“Stop crying like that! You’re making me even more miserable!” Becka snapped at Hagrid. Rach held her baby closer to her chest like a prized treasure.
“So-So-Sorry, lass. I kin help it!” Hagrid blew his nose again. “It’s-It’s just so sad, letting da lil’ girl leave us like this.”
“Shall we conduct the burial here or let her parents take her back to be buried?” Prof. McGonagalle asked, her voice shaking a little.
“Better give her to Tanya,” Prof. Dumbledore replied, putting his half-mooned glasses back on. “We have to respect her family’s wishes. They might want to conduct the burial themselves.”
“No, she can’t be dead.”
Everyone spun round to see Prof. Snape advancing towards Jude’s bed in an abnormally calm way. He had her son in his arms. He held out a hand and stroked her dark-brown hair, fingering the silver streak in the middle, much to everyone’s surprise. Prof. Dumbledore put his hand on his shoulder.
“Severus, let her go. She’s dead. You heard what Poppy said…”
“She’s wrong. Light can’t be dead. She just can’t be. She’s so cheerful and bright and happy all the time. She had a really cheerful conversation with me yesterday. Now she’s…no, that’s impossible! She’s still alive! She just doesn’t know how to wake up from this dream!”
“Poppy’s a trained, experienced medi-witch. She can’t be wrong,” Prof. Lupin cut in, trying to pacify his colleague. “You know it yourself too. You know how the Witches’ life span is shown.”
“By this streak of silver hair?” Prof. Snape said as he raised the silver streak. “That doesn’t prove anything! It could be something else, something that made her suddenly change. It could be…”
“Stop it, Severus. Accept the fact. She’s gone. Let her go,” Prof. Dumbledore tightened his grip on Prof. Snape’s shoulder a little. Prof. Snape slumped, his tunnel-dark eyes locked onto Jude’s calm, serene face. His breath trembled as he let it out slowly.
“This…This is not fair…Light, she…she had brought so much riot, so much havoc and surprise in my class. There’s never a dull moment when she’s around…I…I can’t believe I’m saying this but…I really enjoyed having her as my student.”
Everyone stared at him in astonishment. They never knew that the famous cold and calm Potion Master of Hogwarts would admit everything that was bottled up in his heart.
“She’s a walking accident-prone. She always had a way of making her situation brighter. I always gave her a hard time, but she always pulled through. She…She did so much for me…She tolerated my attitude, listened to all my orders, never complained much…She sacrificed so much for Hogwarts…Why…? Why did she have to…?”
Prof. Snape couldn’t continue. He dashed away from the bed and out of the ward, taking the whining baby with him. They didn’t give chase. They knew that Prof. Snape, the ever cold and proud professor, needed some time and space to let it all out.
“So, Hagrid. Are you going to tell Judith’s mother about this?” Prof. Dumbledore asked the gamekeeper, who was still blowing his nose on a large hanky.
“I’ll try,” Hagrid sniffed, drying his eyes.
“Thank you, Hagrid. And, Poppy,” Prof. Dumbledore called the medi-witch who was sitting at a corner in the background wiping her tears, “you take Judith’s body and put her into the Cold Room until everything’s said and done.”
Madame Pomfrey nodded. With Prof. Lupin’s help, she carried Jude into a room which was situated at a secluded place in the hospital. She opened the door and Rach and Becka could feel the cold mist emitted out slowly. They placed Jude on an icy, metallic bed in the middle of the room and shut the door tight. Madame Pomfrey remembered the last time she used this room was to keep the used-to-be-dead Cedric Diggory. Becka and Rach placed their hands on the cold door, trying to feel if her slightest aura was still there.
None.
“Goodbye, Jude. We’ll miss you.”
With Cedric’s arms still around them, Becka and Rach slowly left the silent Hospital Wing.
Everyone mourned for Jude that night. The whole castle was silent as death. The Slytherin dormitory was the quietest of all. Two lives lost from Slytherin: Tony Brixius and Judith Cecelia Light. Draco hid in his dorm and cried on his bed for hours, and he cried the most bitterly of all the Slytherins. He really loved Jude so much.
Nothing could be more miserable.
“Severus, certainly not…”
“Poppy, please. I’ve never asked anything from you. Please do me this favour.”
“But, Severus, surely you’re not thinking about…I will most certainly not do this! This is insane!”
Only a candle was lit, so the only thing—or people—were two silhouettes, one belonged to the cold, shoulder-length haired, crooked nosed and tall Severus Snape, and a fairly thin and short medi-witch Poppy Pomfrey.
“What if Albus starts asking questions? What if Hagrid told her mother about the news and then comes back here to find her body missing?” Poppy asked in a mixture of fear and worry. “He’ll howl the place down for all he cares! You know how he treasures Tanya Lucius’ daughter!”
“That I have taken care of,” Severus replied in a precise tone. “You take this letter to Hagrid and I ensure you he won’t howl, not in a million years.”
“I don’t know, Severus…” Poppy said doubtfully as she led Severus to the Cold Room. Severus stood his ground.
“This is my only wish, Poppy. Do it.”
Poppy nodded and opened the door of the Cold Room. There Jude lay: naked, bandaged, cold and lifeless, in the middle of the room, on the metallic bed. Severus came towards Jude and picked her up in his arms.
“Please be careful. Dead bodies are always fragile once they’re out under room temperature,” Poppy warned.
Severus gave her a sideways look. Poppy closed her mouth—she almost forgot that she shouldn’t mention the ‘D’ word about Jude in front of him.
“Come, Light. To where you’ll be safe,” Severus whispered to Jude’s ear as he carried her silently out of the room and out of the Hospital Wing.
Hagrid dipped his quill into the ink and started scratching on the parchment. He occasionally let out a soft ‘Boo hoo hoo’ or a loud sniff, obviously still grieving for Jude. Fang whined as he laid his head on his master’s knee, trying to comfort him. Hagrid noticed and stroked him.
“This is hopeless, Fang. I av’ no ‘art to tell Ma’am Lucius about her lassie. Jude is a fine lassie. She could summat be like her ol’ man—I mean in the good side—if she ‘ere still livin’. That bum of a You-Know-Who! It’s all his bloomin’ fault! He killed his own poor lassie!”
His complaints were cut short when an eagle owl came in with a letter in its beak. Hagrid fished out a dead rat to feed it as he took the letter. Slowly he opened it and read it. Gradually his sodden eyes widened with glee. His long face slowly creased into a smile, then a grin. Then he flung the letter high in the air, crumpled the parchment he was about to write to Jude’s mother and threw it out of the window. He cheered like a maniac, taking Fang by surprise. Fang hadn’t have time to react even.
The old gamekeeper’s heart was filled with joy and hope once more.
Severus walked silently down the dungeon hallway and went through twists and turns until he reached a dead end. He took out his wound and chanted, “Alame titaricus solicis…” And the spell dragged on. No sooner he ended his chanting, than a wall gaped open like a yawning mouth. In the open wall emerged an oak door gleaming with polish. Severus put his hand on the handle and muttered a password, “Black Witch.”
Almost immediately, the door handle allowed itself to turn and let him in. a very strong whiff of coldness surrounded him as he closed the door behind him. Icicles were formed at every corner of the room and Severus was breathing mists. The only furniture available in the room was an old canopy bed like the ones in the students’ dorms. It was also frozen with frost and icicles. Even the bed sheets felt as hard as solid ice. Severus advanced towards the bed and stroked Jude’s head.
Jude seemed as serene as ever, like nothing in the world can ever wake her up from her endless dream. Severus sighed. He didn’t mean to write the letter of lies to Hagrid but it was the only way to keep Albus from questioning any of the staff and spread suspicion everywhere around Hogwarts. In the letter, he told Hagrid that he was conjuring up some potion to try and revive Jude back from the dead. He told Hagrid to tell Albus that Jude’s mother came almost immediately as soon as she heard about Jude’s death and took her away without further notice—just fro an excuse until he has done with the potion. He urged Hagrid to keep it a secret as he wanted it to be a Hogwarts surprise.
God knows what a pack of bull he had written. It’s impossible to bring someone back to life, not even if you chanted a million spells. Black Magic might do the trick but it only lasts for a given period of time. After that, Jude might turn into a zombie or some sort—an undead. He couldn’t explain why. He just wanted to keep her, to see her, to have her for as long as possible. He even used a freezing spell to freeze the room in order to do so.
“Wake up, Light. It’s me, your most loved teacher Severus Snape.”
Jude, of course, didn’t reply. Silent as ever.
“Come on, Light. Wake up. Get up and hug me. You’re good at that. Wake up and say nice things to me. Wake and hold me in your arms. Come on.”
Severus knew this was stupid, but he did it all the same.
“You always had a crush on me. You always thought that I’m unfair, that I’m always against you, and that I’m always oblivious to your feelings, yet you still loved me. True, I might be what you say I am, but I never said I hated you. You bring so much racket yet so much joy to my class. You dared to do things even Potter wouldn’t do.
“I don’t hate you. I…care about you. I may not show it all this while, but I do care about you. It’s just that…I don’t want to ruin my portrayal as a Potion Master in front of everyone. I’m always worried about when are you going to make another explosion or flip another jar of ingredients. I’m constantly on guard in case you start going up in flames. I often do things behind people’s back. It gets old.”
He fingered the pendulum that still hung around Jude’s neck. “Remember this pendulum? I gave it to you during Valentine’s Day. I have sacrificed my pride to let Filch’s cat bring this to you. What else do you want? Why won’t you wake up?
“You want me to love you, isn’t it? You want me to return your love, isn’t it? I’ve told you, we’re not meant to be. You’re a student, I’m a teacher. That’s where we stand. Don’t you understand? We can’t love each other. You’re the Black Witch, the Chosen One of the prophecy, and who am I? Just an insignificant Potion Master with no powers from the beyond…”
No matter how much he talked, there was still no response from Jude. Severus’ heart sank.
“Do you want me to let you in a secret? The day you were born, I was there to help. The moment you were out into this world and the minute I saw you, I’ve decided there and then that…I will marry you and make you the best wife ever. Madame Snape. Do you like it? It sounds ridiculous but…I want to marry you…I want…”
Severus trembled, trying to hold back the tears as hard as he could. He had never cried—not since he escaped from the tyranny of Voldemort into the welcoming arms of Albus Dumbledore. He swore to himself never to cry for anybody, and the years with the Dark Lord has trained him to be a cold, expressionless man. No mercy, he remembered Voldemort telling him. No one in Hogwarts could move him, except Albus who was almost a godfather to him. He was stationary, standing tall and proud among his colleagues. Unmovable, unbreakable.
But now everything has changed. This night, after almost a week of keeping Jude in the room, he cried. He could feel his icy cold tears trickling down his sallow cheek. Tentatively, he advanced towards Jude’s cold body and placed his lips on hers, kissing her tenderly.
No response. Jude still didn’t open her eyes. This was not a scene from Sleeping Beauty—it’s totally childish and cliché—but Severus couldn’t help feeling that there might be hope in doing so. Now all hope was gone. He had to admit the fact that he constantly denied for so long.
She’s dead. Gone. Forever.
Severus buried his face in his arms and sobbed like never before. He had never felt so sad before in his life.
It was a terrible feeling.
Jude opened her eyes slowly and blinked. She tried to calculate how long she has been sleeping but finally decided against it. Why the details? She’s awake, and that’s all that matters.
Then she remembered the fight, the pain as her spine shattered, and Prof. Snape’s eyes as he gazed into hers. She felt cold. She noticed that everything around her was frozen, forming icicles. She tried to move to see what’s going on but then realized she couldn’t get up without her spine. She laid her head back onto the pillow and shivered, her naked body suddenly covered with goose pimples. She began to wonder where her baby boy was.
Suddenly, she heard a series of faint breathing. She turned her head and blushed when she saw Prof. Snape asleep beside her bed with his head propped up on his arms. That restless look. ‘Poor Prof. Snape,’ she thought. ‘How long has he been asleep? It must be very uncomfortable.’
She reached her handout and stroked his hair (lacking of grease) and touched his face. Pale as usual, she started tracing his face from the forehead. When she reached his crooked nose, he sneezed. Jude pull her hand away in disgust and complained silently, wiping her hand on his sleeve.
“Eew! Gross! Sneeze somewhere else!”
Prof. Snape opened his eyes almost immediately. He gazed in disbelief at Jude who was griping and wiping her saliva-stained hand on his sleeve. He slowly brought himself closer towards her and touched her face. Jude looked at him straight in the eye and smiled, “Hi, Prof. Snape.”
Then, without warning, Prof. Snape seized her and hugged her tight. Jude was quite taken aback but she let him hug her. They were like that for goodness-knows-how-long. Time seemed to freeze between them but none of them seemed to care.
Finally Jude broke the ice, “Sir, you can let go now.”
“I…I thought you’re gone…” Prof. Snape’s voice was trembling.
“I thought that too. But…I think I heard your voice, and the others’. There’s a beautiful place out there but…I came back. Sorry it took me such a long time.”
“I…thought…I lost you…”
“I’m back now, aren’t I?”
Prof. Snape nodded, still hugging Jude. Jude pulled his head slowly to face hers and placed her lips on his, kissing him deeply. For once, Prof. Snape actually returned her kiss. It was quite a long time before they finally parted.
“I love you, Severus.”
Prof. Snape didn’t answer. He just held her close, not wanting to let her go. He feared that if he ever let go, he’ll lose her forever. He inhaled her hair deeply, feeling her skin in his own arms, savouring the feeling of her cheek against his.
It felt like heaven for the both of them.
“My Witch,” Prof. whispered to her ear. “My precious Black Witch.”
Jude smiled. She knew what he meant.
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