Pain is not an Option-Chp 4

Watanuki gulped down the can of cappuccino latte he bought from a vending machine with great gusto and heaved a sigh of relief. He had spent the rest of his remaining school hours leaving early and lounging around in the park till sundown. He had thought of going to Yuuko’s shop to do his usual duties but he remembered that he had two days off, which included today, so he might as well make use of this golden opportunity. Screw the attendance. There was no way he was going to stay another minute in school with Doumeki around.

From the corner of his eye, he could see dozens upon dozens of tiny little spirits fluttering about him, wanting to stick to him like glue. He decided to ignore it. Spirits and ghosts have been hovering around him ever since he could remember how to walk and talk anyway, so what difference would these tiny insignificant spirits make anyway? At least they’re tiny, he thought as he leaned back on the bench he was sitting on.

“Yo.”

Watanuki jumped at that familiar voice. The ever stoic, cold Doumeki was standing right beside him, holding his schoolbag in one hand and another bag and a few books in the other. As usual, the spirits disappeared as soon as Doumeki’s presence was made known. Watanuki jerked backwards when Doumeki held out the bag and books to him.

“You forgot your stuff.”

“Ah…Hai…” Watanuki said nervously as he hastily snatched the bag and books away from him. How dumb he could be, leaving his stuff in school in plain sight for Doumeki to see without even realizing it? He must’ve been really desperate to escape to allow this clumsiness to happen.
“Kunogi-san helped you wash your bento case. It’s in the bag.”

“I, uh, I gotta go. Sayonara,” Watanuki said, barely even acknowledging what Doumeki said. He quickly went off, walking as fast as his legs could carry him, but somehow he realized, after a few moments of speed-walking, Doumeki was right behind his tail. He wanted to run but he was afraid it would arouse Doumeki’s inner beast to pursue him with ferocity, so, swallowing hard and gathering his wits, he spun round and faced his stalker.

“Naniyo? What is it you want? Why are you following me?”

Doumeki did not reply, but continued walking towards where Watanuki stood. The latter noticed his eyes were slowly filled with emotions that reminded him of yesterday’s incident. He backed away tentatively until he realized he was pinned to the wall in a secluded area by the archer’s pressing aura. Doumeki slowly propped one hand against the wall right beside Watanuki’s face and glared intently with his amber eyes at the tiny cook’s deep sea-blue.

“Why do you avoid me?”

“Nani?” Watanuki pretended to act dumb, when in truth, he was very well aware of what he was being asked.

“You heard me,” Doumeki’s tone of voice meant business, giving him the Don’t-mess-with-me kind of warning. Watanuki wanted to scream at him to leave him alone and flail his hands about as usual to tell him to get the fuck away from his face, but somehow being up close and personal with his rapist made his guts all watery.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Doushite?” Watanuki flinched as Doumeki’s fist slammed the wall, barely hitting his ear. “After all I’ve done for you, why do you hate me so much?”

“Y…You know what you did…” Watanuki’s voice quivered as he struggled to give him a straight answer.

“Nani? This?”

Without warning, Watanuki felt Doumeki dangerously close to him, his crotch behind his pants close to his. Watanuki barely even had the chance to retaliate—to take a breath, even—as he felt their manhood rubbing ever so slightly at each other. He bit hard at his lower lip, fighting the urge to let out an involuntary moan as he realized his body was actually sexually aroused by the soft rubbing. He felt Doumeki’s hands slowly creeping down to his wrists and holding him there in place as he continued to rub shamelessly against him. Colour began to grow on Watanuki’s cheeks and the temperature about it was more than he could bear. His head was getting dizzier as his cock hardened behind his pants and his breath grew shorter and quicker, and though his body strained to fight this adulterated feeling inside him, deep within his heart and mind, he wished this sudden ecstasy would never end.

It was the pain of Doumeki’s hand clutching his wrists tightly that slowly brought him back to his senses. He let out a sudden sharp gasp, alerting Doumeki as well. The archer stared at him as if trying to remember something, then slowly his eyes began to show realization of what he was doing and his face crawled back to its original stoic and cold expression. His grip on Watanuki’s wrists loosened and his distance between him and Watanuki lengthened as he gathered himself back to his normal self.

“Anno…Watanuki…”

Watanuki didn’t let him finish. Instead, he banged his head with his books and shoved him further away with his bag before he took to his heels, running away like the way he used to when he was being chased by the everyday oppressing spirits. He dared not look back to see if Doumeki was chasing after him or not.

Even when the lusty feeling around his manhood dissipated, his heart surprisingly could not.

--:--

Watanuki came back to his senses when he realized when he was under running hot water of his shower. After another shocking experience with Doumeki’s uncharacteristic self, fear, shock and unwanted lust drove him all the way home and his mind was in a complete shutdown as he went about with his business mechanically. Without even knowing, he had cleaned his house, made a call to a restaurant to send Yuuko’s dinner to her house, cooked and ate dinner, did his homework and finally getting ready to shower before bed. Whether it was due to self-denial or shock due to that evening trauma, his mind had totally blacked out and was oblivious to whatever he was doing until the steam and wetness hit him like a mallet through the head.

As soon as his mind worked its way in figuring out the reality around him, the memories of Doumeki began swimming back into it: Doumeki snapping at him and hitting him like a punching bag, him being forced against the shelf as Doumeki unzipped his pants and rudely intrude him, Doumeki’s nonchalant face the next day as he reached for his bento as if nothing had happened, Doumeki following him and threatening him, Doumeki standing so close to him, rubbing himself against him without any shame in the world and awakening the most taboo of feelings of desire he never thought existed within him…

‘Again with the desire!’ Watanuki thought, horrified with whatever he was thinking. “What am I thinking? I could never want this! Never! It’s impossible! That stupid cold statue violated me! I could never want this sort of insanity!”

Pain is not an option. It’s how you deal with it that’s important.

Again, Yuuko’s uncompassionate words rang into his head. Pain. What does that have to do with whatever he was feeling right now? Yuuko had said that he did not appreciate whatever Doumeki had done for him and all he did repay his kindness with yelling, ranting, raving and endless jumping into conclusion, added with a few flying off the handle and total ignorance, if possible. She made it sound like he deserved whatever pain Doumeki had inflicted on him. She kept saying that he wasn’t dealing with the pain right and that he was channeling all the pain into blaming it all on Doumeki when he should be looking into himself to see the reason why he had to endure all this pain.

In the end, she was trying to say that it was Watanuki’s fault Doumeki acted the way he did.

As he applied soap onto his body and was moving towards his private area, the feeling of Doumeki rubbing against him came back in folds. His amber eyes that burned with emotions never shown before in public bore into his subconscious mind with the force of a bullet train. Those eyes…those crazy fiery eyes that spoke of nothing but rage, hate and contempt towards him…those eyes that could burn through his skull within minutes as he glared into his blue ones like a predator would to its prey…those eyes that revealed the true feelings behind the façade of cold iciness that was Doumeki the archer…those eyes…

Before he knew it, he had his fingers close towards his opening, teasing it. Though horrified, he couldn’t stop himself from continuing, slowly inching them closer and closer until almost a quarter of them were inside him. As he continued fingering himself, ignoring the soreness that lingered slightly after the incident in the sports equipment room, his mind involuntarily wandered to that evening in the secluded wall. Slowly, the phantom feeling of Doumeki’s manhood rubbing against his returned, and when he closed his eyes, the feeling returned in tenfold, as if he was really there with him. He could feel him materializing in front of him now: holding him down, pinning him onto the wall, moving his body up and down slowly, the feeling of his manhood rubbing softly and seductively against him; his eyes staring deep into his, his lips coming closer and nibbling at his ear lightly, then sucking tenderly at his neck until finally reaching to his own lips to claim them…

“Ku…Kuso…!”

Watanuki immediately went limp as he realized he had come. The stain of his essence ran down all over his thigh and his fingers were actually all the way in. Gasping for breath, he noticed the reality of the situation—he was actually turned on, turned on by the very actions that made him fear the archer in the first place. The pain of his rude intrusion into him and the pain his heart felt when he was being played for a fool actually aroused him. Watanuki groaned both in fear and exasperation as he buried his face in his knees.

“What the hell is wrong with me…?”