Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Mulan: A Parody-Chp Finale

CHAPTER FINALE – A SUPRISINGLY HAPPY ENDING

Mrs. Sakuragi sat alone near the goldfish pond, staring at the goldfishes that were way past their mating season. The juvenile late bloomer has finally mated with the females, and boy, was he the most outstanding of all. She was right—if given time and patience, anything is possible. She wondered if this was a sign that her son was alright.

No sooner she had that thought than her tall and handsome redhead son stood before her. She was at lost of words at first because his presence came to her as a shock. She didn’t even dare to acknowledge him. She was afraid that he would be an illusion, a dream she had often had ever since he had left home out to the dastardly dangerous war.

“Mom,” Sakuragi broke the ice and knelt in front of her. “Don’t be angry with me first, Mom. I have gifts from the Primal Castle and from the Queen herself. See, this is the token of war—the Primal Sword. And this,” Sakuragi said as he removed the necklace Queen Ayako has given him and put it around her neck, “the necklace from Her Majesty to honour the Sakuragi family. Gomenasai, Mom. Are you…still mad at me?”

Without warning, Mrs. Sakuragi let the Primal Sword she was holding fall out of her hand and wrapped her arms around her tall, built son. She wept happy tears as she finally realized that the Hana-chan kneeling before her was real. Between sobs, she whispered, “The greatest honour of all, my Hana-chan, is to have you for a son. My son.”

“Of course…” Sakuragi replied softly, finally having a feeling of belonging in his family. “I’m a tensai, remember? I will prevail…He he he he…”

Sakuragi Hanamichi couldn’t hold back his tears for long. To be perfectly honest, he had truly missed his mother the most ever since he left for war. He hugged him back and cried silently too. This touching scene was witnessed by Mr. Sakuragi and the basketball sifu Sensei Ansai, who had heard news about Sakuragi’s return.

“I am so glad your son is finally back from harm’s way,” Sensei Ansai let out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah,” Mr. Sakuragi agreed. “Although he did bring a sword home instead of a woman.”

“Gomene,” Mr. Sakuragi and Sensei Ansai turned to see Rukawa standing behind them with Sakuragi’s helmet in his hands. “May I know where’s Sakuragi Hanamichi?”

“Oh, you must be his captain,” Mr. Sakuragi smiled as he noticed the armour he was still wearing and pointed at the direction towards the goldfish pond. “He’s just right there.”

“Arigato,” Rukawa replied and stepped into the front yard and down the garden. He saw the mother and son still in embrace and cleared his throat to be made known that he was there. Sakuragi and his mother tore themselves away from each other.

“Kitsu…I mean Rukawa! What are you doing here?” Sakuragi asked, blushing.

“I came to return your helmet,” Rukawa said. “Or should I say, your helmet, Mrs. Sakuragi.”

“Arigato,” Mrs. Sakuragi said as she took the helmet, eyeing from Rukawa to her son and back again. She smiled and said, “I’ll be inside the house to help your mother with dinner. Do you want to stay for dinner, Captain Rukawa?”

“Sunimase, Mrs. Sakuragi,” Rukawa replied. “I’ve got other things to settle later.”

“Suit yourself. Let my Hana-chan know when you change your mind.”

With that, she left her son alone despite Sakuragi’s awkward-looking face. He stared at Rukawa in silence and the silent treatment hung in utmost awkwardness for about 5 minutes or so. Mido and Noma, who were looking at them from the ancestral pagoda along with the other ancestors, were grinning slyly, hoping for something great to happen and quick. Sakuragi finally decided to break the ice.

“So, uh, aren’t you going to go now? I mean you did say that you have something else to settle.”

“Actually…” Rukawa scratched his head a little before saying, “I, uh, I came here for another thing.”
“Hait? What thing?” Sakuragi asked, curious (A/N: For this scene, for those of you who heard it, imagine the background music is the piano theme of Genzomaden Saiyuki’s song ‘For Real’. It does have a catch to it).

“You see…” Rukawa hesitated before putting on a serious face and said, “You pretended to be a girl with whatever method you’ve used and you have betrayed my trust. You lied to your girlfriends and you lied to my whole troop and you even lied to me. I trusted you. I believed that you were going to be a great warrior when you became the first person to climb up that pole and retrieve the arrow. I believed that you were going to be the best among the troop when I see you improving in all my training routines. I believed that you were ready to fight for the island when that Hikoichi said otherwise. I believed you would be a permanent member in my troop and be the mightiest, wisest and wittiest soldier of the entire island when you destroyed the entire Shirogane Clan and saved my life at the same time. And I believed that you would take me as your husband as soon as this war was over. Do you know how it feels to be shattered of all those beliefs by just finding your scam out? Do you know exactly how it feels when all your hopes and dreams go down to the dumps when you discovered that you have been betrayed and lied at?”

“Go…Gomene…” Sakuragi shrank, his heart going sour all over again, just like that fateful day when he was being busted and found to be a man.

“Do you have any idea that one small scam can lead to a whole hoard of trouble?” Rukawa continued, gaining closer and closer towards the redhead. Mido was annoyed and wanted to just pounce at the blue-eyed fox but Noma stopped him. “Do you have any idea that you have betrayed my trust? Do you have any idea that you have betrayed my love for you? Do you have any idea that you have broken my heart? Do you? Do you?!

“Gomenasai!! Gomenasai!!!” Sakuragi had his hands on his ears as tears fell out of his copper-brown eyes, his heart filled with guilt and sorrow. “I didn’t know! I didn’t know that any of this would lead to so much trouble! I didn’t think that a small lie could hurt so many people! I’m sorry!! Gomenasai!! Gomenasai~!!!”

Suddenly he felt a pair of strong arms around him, hugging him close to a broad chest where he could hear a steady heartbeat. He opened his eyes and saw that he was in Rukawa’s embrace. He could feel Rukawa’s breath near his neck and his slightly trembling body as he hugged the redhead close to him, not wanting to let go.

“Don’t you ever do that again, you do’aho. You hear me? Don’t you ever, ever do this to me again,” Rukawa hissed at his ear, sounding more like a desperate urge than anger. Sakuragi nodded and hugged him back.

“Gomene…Gomene…I will never do it again…I promise…” Sakuragi whispered, his tears continue to flow out of his eyes, but this time it wasn’t of sadness or guilt, but of happiness, for his love was just right there, holding him in his arms. How he wished that time would just stop for them.

Slowly he felt Rukawa’s hand on his chin. The blue-eyed fox turned Sakuragi’s face to face his. They both stared at each other deeply, the blue eyes boring deep into the copper-brown ones. Words need not to be said. They knew what they want from each other. Soon, their lips met, kissing each other deeply…

Suddenly Sakuragi felt a slight change in him. He knew this kind of feeling—it was the exact feeling when he had experienced the sex change done by Mido’s sorcery. Just like that fateful day, he felt a slight heat radiating from inside his body and it soared from his fiery red head down to the tip of his toes. This time the effect was faster, about 7 ½ or so. Right before Rukawa’s eyes, he had transformed from the male Sakuragi Hanamichi to the Sakuragi Minako Rukawa had come to know. Everything was exactly the same as before—a pair of D-cup women’s breasts, his Adam’s apple gone, his original broad shoulders shrunk a little to the size of an average workout woman, his waistline shrunk to fit a waist of a model, his arms and feet slender like a girl and his face a feminine look with a few itsy-bitsy traces of masculinity in it. Even his hair had grown back to the elbows’ length.

The two people were speechless for a moment there: Rukawa staring at Sakuragi and Sakuragi staring at his body change. What was going on here?! How did he turn back into a girl all of a sudden?!

“Um…Sakuragi, what’s going on here?” Rukawa finally found his voice.

“I…I have no idea!! I don’t know why this thing happened again!! Yada~!! Mido~!! Mido, what’s going on here?!” Sakuragi practically panicked his head off.

“Tell me you didn’t give him the no bloodshed sex change magic, Mido,” Ojisan Sakuragi, who saw everything, turned accusingly at the bronze-eyed neko. The other ancestors also did the same.

“Eh he he he he~! Gomene…” Mido replied awkwardly. “I needed him to really blend in with the troop. Guess I forgot to tell him that this spell is permanent and that even if he experienced bloodshed and turned back to his original sex, whosoever from whatever sex that truly loves him kisses him, he will become the other sex permanently. (A/N: Which means that if a girl kisses him, he would’ve stayed as a boy, but if a boy kisses him, he will turn to a girl) Well…at least he’s, I mean she’s with someone she loves…right…?”

Needless to say, he was kicked out of the ancestral pagoda by the angry ancestors and landed right in front of Sakuragi’s feet. Noma flew towards his master—now mistress—and perched on her shoulder. Sakuragi was taken aback for a moment before she picked the neko up and asked, “What just happened?”

“I’ll have to say that I’ve become your permanent guardian from now on,” Mido groaned, rubbing his aching head.

“What just happened?! Why did I turn back into a girl?! What’s going on here?!” Sakuragi shook Mido like a rag doll.

“It’s a long story. Believe me, it is.”

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on here?” Rukawa’s voice came out of the blue, his face showing a demanding look. Sakuragi grinned sheepishly.

“Err…Are you still in for dinner then?”

And so he did stay for dinner and the rest was pretty much history. And as the story came to a close, wedding bells were heard in winter where the snowflakes that fell from the heavens made the perfect confetti for our newly wed Mr. Sakuragi Kaede and Mrs. Sakuragi Minako Hanamichi.

They lived, as expected, happily ever after.

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