Monday, February 5, 2007

Mulan: A Parody-Chp2

CHAPTER 2 – THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF WAR

Sakuragi brooded all the way back home, thinking about the disastrous day he had endured with the legendary Gori. Somehow, since the first matchmaking test, the Gori never had a liking towards him. He was always knocked in the head with his concrete fist and was told that he would never make it to be a groom with that girlish attitude like his. Well, in Amazon Island, if you’re a boy and you act tough and all that like a girl, you are considered girlish, almost like if you’re a girl and you act like a boy, you’re a tomboy kind of thing. To Akagi, he was all girl and no man. He always told to be acting like a boy—timid and loyal and speak when you’re spoken to—but he couldn’t help it! He was born that way! He can’t help it if he’s the only child in the family—and a boy for that matter—and so happens to love action and adventure his mother used to do during the war. Why can’t they just let him be? Why can’t they just let him do what he wants and be himself? Why, why, why?!

Before he knew it, he already found himself walking into his home at the front yard. He looked up and saw his mother, Mrs. Sakuragi, her face filled with anticipation and hope of his son finally succeeding in his test. Sakuragi felt really ashamed. He looked away and bounded off, running past his mother to his room. He stripped himself of the ridiculous suit he was wearing for the test and changed into his sports clothes before he barged towards the large garden behind his home. He passed by the goldfish pond and stared at his reflection: a tall, awkward, strong and built yet handsome redhead whom no one will ever marry, not for the gold in the world.

“Hana-chan?”

Sakuragi turned around at his mother’s voice. Mrs. Sakuragi stepped closer towards her son and sat beside him by the pond. Sakuragi slowly looked away; he was too embarrassed for failing the test the 6th time in so many years.

“It’s alright, Hana-chan. You’ve tried your best,” Mrs Sakuragi said kindly and calmly.

“I screwed up, Mom…My life is totally ruined! That Gori said I’m not fit to be anyone’s husband,” Sakuragi said gloomily.

“Nonsense, Hana-chan. You’re tall just like your great-great grandmother, you have beautiful red hair just like the ancestors before you, you have those beautiful copper-brown eyes like your Dad, and you are strong just like me. You will get yourself a great wife and she will love you unconditionally.”

“That’s just it, Mom,” Sakuragi frowned. “I’m not like other boys that are small and timid and listen to whatever the girls tell them to do and ignored at unless someone actually talks to him. I’m…I’m like a girl! I do chores terribly, I don’t hang out with boys the same age as me, I even entered basketball and let Sensei Ansai to coach me, even though all the girls laughed and called me girlish. Sooner or later, I’ll turn into a matchmaker and won’t marry at all, like the Gori! He’s still single until now!”

Mrs. Sakuragi shook her head slightly and turned to the goldfish in the pond. She pointed at a juvenile male goldfish who stayed at a small corner while the other male goldfish mingled around with the females, “You see that fish?”

Sakuragi turned to where she was pointing and nodded.

“That, my Hana-chan, is a late bloomer. I’ve been observing him for a very long time now. The mating season has started a week ago, but he still remained there, not moving and not swimming at all, except that he still eats. He maybe late in joining in the mating seasons, but I can tell you, once he’s ready to mate, he’ll the most outstanding of all, just like you, my tensai Hana-chan.”

Sakuragi stared at the fish for a while, then looked at his mother’s kind smiling face and smiled back. He stood up abruptly with a finger pointing to the sky as he exclaimed, “Yes!!! That’s right!! I’m a tensai! I will prevail!!! Nya ha ha ha ha ha~!!!”

Mrs. Sakuragi sighed and shook her head weakly. He was her only son, and she favoured him the most when it comes to him and her husband. He was like the daughter she never had—funny, outgoing, outspoken, tough, strong and always happy and gay. And speaking of gay, she also had a small suspicion that her son is actually gay, because she noticed that when he was around girls he would be so devilish and wild, just like any other girl, but when he’s around guys, he would automatically switch to the gentleman mode, making himself look like he was born to impress men. Not that she had anything against her son’s ‘interests’, but she was afraid that his ‘interests’ would bring further damage more to his son than to the family (as I said, she favours more than anything else). Which is why she hoped that Sakuragi would hurry up and get married so that the gayness would be suppressed.

While Sakuragi was getting all his hopes high again, a trumpet suddenly blew. Mrs. Sakuragi knew this kind of trumpet sound very well—it was a sign that war was near. Everyone moved out of their homes to see what was going on. There, on a magnificent stallion, sat the Amazon Island’s Queen, Queen Ayako’s counselor Hikoichi and a few more soldiers (women, of course) behind him. He was chosen as counselor for his skills of writing and taking notes, so he was often trusted with important paperwork. As everyone looked at the counselor quizzically, Hikoichi cleared his throat and opened a scroll.

“Our island is under siege and the Queen needs extra people to join the war. The family whose name has been read out from this scroll must send in a woman in the family to report to the training grounds at the forests of Gaia tomorrow morning,” Hikoichi announced before reading the scroll, “The Murada family, the Kimura family, the Tateno family, the Fujisaki family…”

And the list went on. One by one, a daughter would come up to take the report scroll. Sakuragi watched in fascination. He had heard stories about being sent out to war, but that was his mother’s time. As he continued to watch, Hikoichi suddenly announced, “The Sakuragi family!”

Sakuragi gasped. His family was also chosen?! But…But his family has no girls! He’s a boy! He doesn’t have a sister or a girl cousin or any female relatives in his family, why was his family chosen? If he’s not the one they want, then it has to be…

Just as he feared, his mother Mrs. Sakuragi handed her walking stick to her husband and walked towards Hikoichi’s horse in a hobbling manner. She stood tall and took the scroll from Hikoichi. Sakuragi was filled with anxiety. Without thinking twice, he ran towards the Queen’s counselor and yelled, “No, you can’t! You can’t do this to my Mom! Can’t you see she’s having a bad knee? She’s not fit to fight in the war!”

“Mrs. Sakuragi,” Hikoichi said haughtily. “I suggest you teach your son to mind his manners and speak when he’s spoken to.”

“Here we go again! Another ‘speak when you’re spoken’ crap! I just don’t understand why you girls have all the power to…” Sakuragi’s ranting and raving was stopped by his mother’s stern voice.
“Hanamichi, you dishonour me.”

Sakuragi wanted to protest but when his mother started calling him by ‘Hanamichi’ instead of ‘Hana-chan’, he knew she meant business, and that means ‘Urusai’ for him. He shut his pie-hole and stepped aside. Hikoichi handed the last two scrolls to the Hosokawa family and the Kurita family before riding away, his henchwomen following him behind. As soon as Hikoichi was out of earshot, Sakuragi wanted to speak his mind about his mother volunteering to fight in the war, but she made clear to his son that she didn’t want to talk about it when she just passed him by without a word.

Sakuragi didn’t know which was worse: being ignored by his beloved Mom who had met his every whim and fancy or losing her out in the battle he knew she’ll never win.

The whole dining room fell as silent as the graveyard as the Sakuragi family sat down for dinner that night. No one said a word about that afternoon’s incident with Sakuragi’s outburst and about Mrs. Sakuragi going out to war. Mr. Sakuragi has already been trained to be a diligent, ask-no-questions type of husband, so it’s no big surprise that he took everything in without a word. And for the first time in his life, Sakuragi Hanamichi actually has no appetite to eat (at usual time, he could eat about 4 bowls of rice).

Almost suddenly, Sakuragi thumped his bowl of rice onto the table. He couldn’t stand being quiet anymore about all this. He turned sharply to his mother and said, “I can’t take it anymore! You shouldn’t have accepted that scroll!”

“Hana-chan, I’ve made my decision to serve the Queen,” Mrs. Sakuragi was not at all perturbed with her son’s sudden outburst. “It was my duty to protect the Queen when the last war occurred and it is my duty now to continue protecting her.”

“So you rather risk your life for the Queen and risk your health over her? There are millions of girls out there who are young and can fight! They don’t have to depend only on you! You’re not the only woman in the whole wide world! That Queen is a baka for thinking that…”

“Urusai, Hana-chan!” Mrs. Sakuragi said sternly, glaring at him. “You will not say mean things about the honourable Queen and say things that’ll dishonour our namesake!”

“Screw our namesake! Baka! Baka, baka, baka!!!”

Sakuragi ran off from the dining room, leaving his food untouched. Mr. Sakuragi wanted to rush over to talk to him but his wife forbade him to do so. It was raining outside, and it drenched the young redhead from head to toe. No one came out to coax him, and he knew that his mother had made it clear to his father that he shouldn’t be inside until he has come to his senses. From the garden, he saw his mother tried to do some stunt moves with the family sword and her sitting abruptly due to her bad knee. His father came in and tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t hear of it. Sakuragi understood where he got the hard-headed and indignant attitude from.

He continued to stand under the rain and let it drench him seriously. He began to contemplate about the reason of his life and his existence throughout his whole life. Why was he born in a land where men are patronized? Why couldn’t he be just like everyone else? Why did his mother insist on going out to this war even though she knew that she was going to die out there leaving him and his father all alone? Why are all girls trying to act tough and all and expect men to be a goody two-shoed person…?

That was when he made his decision. He ran all the way to the ancestral pagoda and lit a candle, which was Amazon Island tradition when you want to pray to the ancestors. He prayed for protection and forgiveness before hurrying back into the house. After making himself decently dry a bit, he grabbed a few ribbons and a bra from his mother’s dressing table and also the scroll, replacing it with his basketball. He rushed to the weaponry and armour room and took out his mother’s war clothes and the family sword. He took the few girly ribbons and tied his hair into two pony tails, trying to sell himself off as a girl. To sell himself even more as a girl, he tried stuffing cloths into the bra to make him look ‘fuller’. After watching himself in the mirror and tried to convince himself that he looked no different than a common girl, he quickly walked towards the stables and got his family stallion Oukutsu. He was quite a strong horse with blonde, magnificent flowing name and had an attitude of his own. At first when Sakuragi came into the stables in his woman armour, Oukutsu was shocked to see an intruder, but Sakuragi came over to calm him down, whispering “It’s me” before running off out of the house and into the rain down the cold valley towards the forests of Gaia.

When Mrs. Sakuragi woke up with a start at the loud boom of thunder outside, the first thing that caught her eye was Sakuragi’s basketball. She couldn’t find her report scroll anywhere. Her heart was filled with horror as she ran towards the armour room and sure enough, she found her armour and the family sword missing. She rushed to the stables and saw that Oukutsu the family stallion was gone and that the front gate was wide open. She knew it. She knew that her son would do such a foolish thing as this. Mr. Sakuragi came forward to his wife and begged, “We must save him and bring him back! He’ll die out there!”

“If we reveal him,” Mrs. Sakuragi held his husband back, “he’ll die too.”

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