I KNEW I LOVED YOU BEFORE I MET YOU
"That's my ball, you baka kitsune!"
"No, it's mine."
"Baka kitsune!"
"Do-aho."
"Baka kitsune!"
"Do-aho."
"Baka—"
"Alright! That's enough already!"
BONK! BONK! DUSH! DUSH!
Here we go again. This is the 5th time this week that Sakuragi and I get the fist from the Gori, I mean, the team captain. Do-aho! If he would've just let me have the damn ball already, then we wouldn't have to suffer all this mess.
But then again, if Sakuragi suffers alone, my heart would ache worse than my head…
What am I talking about? Here I am in Shohoku High, never caring about anything else but to just pass Senior High and play basketball and all I can do is care about that stupid redhead? Of all people I can pay attention, I had my eyes on that do-aho? I am seriously a baka kitsune!
I would never associate myself to that do-aho and I would never even think of having anything to do with him: past, present or future. He is the wildest, most ignorant, the dumbest and most conceited little asshole I have ever met. I mean, have you ever seen anyone who brags about himself as much as he does without even caring that people think he's disgusting, like there was no tomorrow? Come on! If I were him, I'd drown myself in the toilet bowl for being such a dick-head like him!
He may have a body and stamina of an athlete and can really kick ass whenever he wants to, and he may occasionally get lucky in matches, which to me is just coincidence, but he's still the world's biggest dumbest do-aho.
I'll never forgive him for hitting me that fateful day for no particular reason. The blood he caused me to shed cannot compete to the pride I've lost inside. I'll never forgive him. Never!
Never…
FLASHBACK BEGINS (11 years ago)
"Ohayo, my name's Sakuragi Hanamichi. What's yours?"
I got distracted from my toy blocks. The first thing I saw was his fiery red-coloured hair. I was speechless for a moment or two. I mean, I've seen redheads before, like that pretty big sister who lived 3 blocks away from me, but not as red as this boy's.
"I said my name's Sakuragi Hanamichi. What's yours?"
I came back to my senses and noticed his hand held out towards me. I took it tentatively and he began shaking me like a rag doll. For a boy the same age as me, he sure was strong.
"My...My name's Rukawa Kaede. Pleased to meet you," I bowed, trying to be as courteous as possible, only to be laughed at by the redhead in front of me.
"Ne, Kaede, don't be such a stiff! You look like my neighbour's uncle who came back from the boot camp!"
"No one calls me 'Kaede' except my family," I glared and replied coldly, feeling rather annoyed.
"Anno, there's always a first, ne?" he grinned widely with his naughty eyes looking at me as if I'm some kind of new interesting toy. "You can always call me 'Hana-chan'. That's what my mother used to call me before she died."
"Ah, a-re, su...sunimase..."
"Ne, ne, daijobu ne! She died when I was 5, so I don't remember her much. She's a redhead, you know. She's French."
"Sodesune..." I began to comprehend. I started feeling a little out of sorts. No one has actually come up to me and speak so spontaneously as if they've known me for a long time. Even during the first day of kindergarten, no one actually wanted to have anything to do with me, and I'm more of a keep-to-myself kind of person. No one actually dares to make friends with the son of the prestigious wealthy businessman Rukawa Daimonji who practically owns every company their fathers or mothers work in, in case they bug me out and lead Otosan to fire their parents. Now this redhead is actually bold enough to strike a friendly conversation with me.
"Ne, I like your blue eyes," Sakuragi said as he pointed at my eyes. "They're pretty. They remind me of the sky."
"A...Arigato..." I shifted my gaze. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm blushing.
"Can I call you 'Blue Eyes'?"
"Na...Nani?"
"Blue Eyes. Can I call you that? Blue Eyes?" Sakuragi was grinning from ear to ear with his eager brown eyes sparkling like watery puppy eyes. I blushed again.
"Only...Only if you let me call you something too."
"Doushite? Hana-chan not good enough?"
I shook my head.
"Then what? You can call me anything, you know."
"...Red Hair. Only if you let me call you Red Hair."
He was silent for a while. As if hesitant. Was I asking too much? Was I too demanding? Should I just stick to 'Hana-chan'? But Hana-chan sounds so corny. I couldn't...
"Deal!" he suddenly exclaimed, then said in a sing-song way as he danced happily around me, "Watashi wa Red Hair, anata wa Blue Eyes!"
I couldn't help giggling.
And just like that, we became the best of friends. We did almost everything together in kindergarten, including playing games at the playground. He even became my wake up call if I ever overslept or doze off in class. He would also head-butt anyone who dares to tease me or cause me any harm. His head sure was hard, for it would send the kids into total stupor for 10 minutes and also send him into the timeout room, well, that is if he did it inside the kindergarten. He knew of my identity and knew what would happen if he cross my Otosan, but he wasn't impressed. In fact, besides playing my video games (which is the only he's impressed with) in my home, most of our time was spent outdoors. He took me fishing, tree-climbing, funfair rides and a lot more places I never get to go or never have been before. There was one time he asked me out in the middle of the night to go swimming in the man-made lake which belonged to his neighbour, and we almost got caught if it weren't for him dragging me out and sneaking into the secret hole he tore out of the fence through the bushes. Most of the time I come home ending up looking like a ragamuffin after our misadventures and I get lectures from my parents and my nanny, but I like it better than being home doing lousy stuff like reading literature in my Otosan's study and listen to old music like Mozart and Beethoven. My parents didn't seem to approve much about us being together but I didn't care. This was the first time anyone had ever treated me just like a normal person instead of a prissy young master who should be feared and respected 24/7.
I never had so much fun in my whole life.
"Nani? You're moving? Doushite nayo?"
I didn't dare to look at him. We were standing face to face separated by the massive huge black gate of my bungalow while my servants moved our unwanted things and leaving them outside my front door. The news was a shock to me too. Otosan had just received an assignment from Brooklyn and it was an offer he couldn't refuse. There's no offer he could refuse anyway. We've been moving for almost goodness knows how many times ever since I was born, but I could tell from this assignment that this move was going to be permanent.
"Well, it can't be helped. Otosan had another assignment," I replied, looking away. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't know why. I just didn't want him to see me so vulnerable, so weak.
"Can't you stay? I mean, I have a spare room at home, I'm sure you can hang out with me! My Otosan would be glad to have you around," Sakuragi was near the brink of breaking down. He had always been the emotional one and I could see the tears brimming in his eyes. "You can stay with me and we can go to school together and…"
"It's no use, Red Hair. I don't think I can stay."
"Doushite? Can't you just ask your otosan to let you stay? I mean, you're his little boy and I'm sure..."
"Don't you get it! I can't stay here! Otosan would never let me stay here! We are two totally different worlds with two totally different backgrounds! Otosan would never let a high-classed son like me live with a low-classed son like you!"
My hands instinctively covered my mouth as my eyes met his. My heart ached as I saw his eyes staring at me in disbelief. I was surprised and shocked at myself. I have never burst out like that before, not even to my nanny. I may have occasionally chuckled and smiled at his antics or scowled at his stupidity, but I have never lost my cool.
Until now.
Sakuragi's copper-brown eyes were staring at me, tear-brimmed and glassy-looking. I could tell that he was trying to hold them back, so as not to lose his pride. I've ruined his dignity by calling him a 'low-class' person. I never meant to say that. I didn't mean anything harmful, but I had to say something to get it through his emotional thick skull.
We just stood there without saying a word. I wanted to apologize for what I've said and tell him that it was wrong of me to say such an immature thing to him, or at least say the word 'Gomenasai', but my voice wouldn't come out. My pride was greater than my intentions, and the words seemed to get stuck in my throat. Sakuragi continued to stare at me in shock and disbelief. There's even a slight disappointment in him, like I have betrayed him of our friendship. It made me feel so guilty. Please...Onegai...Don't look at me that way...Yameru kudasai...!
"OK, fine," Sakuragi finally said something at last. I was relieved. The silence was killing me.
"Fine what?"
"If you feel that way about us, that's fine with me. You can just move to that white-men country of yours for all I care."
"Red Hair, I..." I was ready to explain but he didn't seem to want to hear me.
"But before you go, let me leave you a farewell gift."
"You don't have to do that."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you—"
Our argument was cut short when I felt a hand grabbed me by the collar and a pair of lips pecked on mine through the gap of the front gate. I soon realized that Sakuragi had just kissed me! He actually kissed me like those love scenes I've seen in movies, only that he was actually kissing me, not a girl! Me! I fell on my knees, my fingers touching my lips in disbelief and my whole body trembling.
"This is something for you to remember me by," Sakuragi said as I stared at his unforgiving eyes. "To remember what you have said to me on this fateful day. Sayonara, Blue Eyes, forever."
He took off. Just like that. He took off without even turning back to see me. That was the last time I've ever seen my best friend Red Hair...whom I finally began to love...
I cycled to school as fast as I could. This was my first day of school and I didn't want to miss it.
To be precise, I didn't want to miss my Red Hair.
Ever since that fateful day, I never forgot Sakuragi. Everyday was like the day we last saw each other. Everyday I felt guilty of what I have said to him and every night, I cried myself to sleep (which contributed more to my horrendous sleeping patterns in school). How I wished I could turn back to the time so that I could stop myself from saying what I've said. As soon as I've finished my primary school years, I forced Otosan to send me back to Japan. I didn't want to stay in Brooklyn any longer. My separation with Sakuragi was too unbearable. I tried to keep track of his whereabouts but to no avail. It appeared that they also have moved to somewhere further from where they used to stay and I couldn't get an address or a school name. I have found out about his father passing away out of a heart attack but I found it out too late. When I've arrived to the place where the funeral party was supposed to be held, Sakuragi was already relocated by a certain social service organization to another place as soon as the burial was done. They refused to tell me for clients' privacy is first on their priority list.
To try and keep my mind occupied from all this guilt and sorrow, I decided to indulge myself in basketball. I channeled them all towards the ball and threw it through the hoop, as if throwing all my troubles away into a trash can, only that the 'guilt and sorrow' would always 'bounce' back to me and I had to throw them through the hoop again. I've vented out everything I've felt inside with that rubber ball and mastered the sport without any difficulties. No one could beat me. I was the best in the game and everyone admired me for that. Many girls were seduced by my agility and my expertise, but not even the most beautiful cheerleader could steal my heart.
My heart (and my virgin kiss) has already been stolen by Red Hair.
I thought I would never see him again, until one day I received rumours about a weird redhead applying in for Shohoku High and was a leader of a group of hooligans. That was my big break! It had to be Sakuragi! It had to be! I applied for that senior high school at once. Many times Otosan and Okasan wanted me to come back to Brooklyn but I was adamant in staying in Japan. Who cares if I get to go to a prestigious college in Brooklyn and all that? I just want to be with Red Hair.
My Red Hair.
Today's lesson was boring. I'd rather fancy a snooze. The only place I could ever get any real peace and quiet would be the balcony. But my sleep had to be disturbed by those idiotic thugs. Everyone knows that no one is allowed to wake me from my sleep (except my Red Hair). I had to teach them a lesson, and my athletic body doesn't come without side benefits when it comes to fighting. I got a wallop or two and my forehead bled, but they're still no match for me.
I thought everything was over when suddenly the balcony door opened. Another gang of thugs trying to get on my nerves, I bet.
"Ne, who are you?"
That voice. So familiar. I turned around while introducing my name. My whole world just sprang to life when I saw Sakuragi standing right in front of me! Finally, I got to meet him. Finally, after all these years, I've seen him in the flesh, face to face! I tried to keep a straight face as I continued to survey him from where I stood. I didn't want to get too excited. He had changed so much since we last saw each other. His height was almost like me, only slightly taller. His skin was tanner and his body was more muscular than before. Yet the red hair and those copper-brown eyes hadn't changed a bit. In fact it had become more attractive than it was before. I was really sure it was him. There is no one else who could have hair redder than his.
Behind was his hooligan friends rumoured by everyone. One looked rather smart, one was as fat as lard, the other had weird blonde hair that didn't match him and the last one looked like he needed a shave. But they weren't important. It was Sakuragi, my Red Hair, standing right there before my eyes! The Red Hair whom I've waited so long to see. The Red Hair who had been the first and best friend I've ever had. The Red Hair who had taught me the real life behind my walls of wealth and pleasure. The Red Hair I had come to love for so long...
But why? Why was your face looking so weird? Aren't you happy to see me, after all these years? Is it because you've remembered me, the Blue Eyes who had betrayed our friendship and said those nasty words to you? Is it because you're still angry with me? Why are you walking around me looking at me with those weird eyes? Why are you comparing your height with me? I've said my name to you. Don't you even remember me anymore?
"Are those your friends?" I asked, pointing at the unconscious thugs I've trashed. I had to say something to break this awkwardness. But I got a threatening yell from you in return. You were yelling at me and grabbing my collar, giving me those ugly looks. It's me, Sakuragi. Don't you remember me? It's me, your Blue Eyes, the one whom you've approached so boldly and cheerfully. Why are you so angry with me? Is it because of what I said when we were kids? What's the deal here?
"Sakuragi!"
"Ah, Haroko!"
Sakuragi let go of my collar immediately. I turned to look. It was a tiny girl standing at the balcony door. I know a little about her. She's the sister of the basketball club team captain I was signing in for. I eyed Sakuragi and saw him blushing. My heart sank. I could tell by that look: he has a crush on that girl. She looked at my bleeding head in shock, but I didn't notice much. I just wanted to grab him by the collar myself and bash him to oblivion but I held back. I didn't want him to see my violent side.
"Everyone said that you are a bad boy," the girl named Haroko said. "But I believe that you're better than you seemed to be. But you've used violence against poor defenseless people, and it's unforgivable!"
Sakuragi seemed to receive a really big blow from her words. What the hell is she saying to my Red Hair? Who does she thinks she is, yelling at Sakuragi like that? If it's because of the wound on my head, it had nothing to do with Sakuragi! Why was she yelling at him for? How could Sakuragi have a crush on this little bitch when he already has me?
I was downcast. How could he betray me? How could he have forgotten me and lead his life so carefree, leaving me to wallow in self-pity and regret? He told me to remember what I've said on that fateful day forever, but he forgot about it so easily as changing his clothes! I walked away, disappointed.
"Wait! Rukawa! Your head is bleeding!" Good ol' Haroko. Trying to be kind and nice, just like every other girl. I'm not buying that.
"I'm fine," I replied, suppressing the urge to slap her silly.
"But it's bleeding really bad. You need to go see a doctor!"
"Don't bug me. Who do you think you are?"
Her reaction was just exactly what I wanted to see. Serves her right for hurting Sakuragi's feeling, though he deserves it because he's hurt mine.
"Rukawa, how dare you!"
Suddenly Sakuragi was charging at me and punching me like mad. He hit me with his famous head-butt and I've the first taste of his hard-as-steel head. My bleeding head got even worse. He was yelling at me about not understanding her feelings or something as he continued to bash me with his head. I could tell that he was angry for hurting Haroko's feelings and I was really pissed this time. The nerve of him! He took away my virgin kiss and now he's having feelings for someone else! And he's actually fighting with me because of her! What about my feelings? What about what I've been through throughout these years? You've put me through hell all these years looking for you to find a chance to apologize and go back to where we used to be and yet you forgotten all about me! I don't care if it's because you're angry about me because of what I've said that led you to forget me; you shouldn't have wiped me entirely out of your mind! You shouldn't have forgotten me! Your Blue Eyes!
Finally I lost control. I gave a real hack on the nose and sent it oozing with blood. He was rather shocked to see his nose bleeding and I was wondering if that could trigger his memory. Unfortunately, it didn't. It made him all the more infuriated at me. He was ready to charge at me some more, but his buddies held him back. I glared back at him in utter disgust before turning away and leaving. Haroko kept calling me from behind asking me to seek medical help but I was adamant in keeping my cool. I had to admit, his blows were pretty tough. I had almost 15 stitches and loads of bandages to stop the bleeding and everything.
The day I saw him challenging Haroko's brother, it was an utter mess. He knew nothing of basketball and blundered his way throughout the whole game. I felt embarrassed by his stupidity before and I felt embarrassed now. But when I saw that dunk he did, I could see that his life would somehow intertwine with basketball. Most likely he would apply for the club, although it's all for a girl who doesn't even know his love for her existed.
He wasn't the Sakuragi I used to know anymore. This Sakuragi standing before me was a crazy bad-ass punk with no sense of regard for his own life whatsoever and was proud of it. This Sakuragi I see is in love with another (to a girl, as a matter of fact) and had forgotten everything about the past, leaving all his cares and troubles behind, including his Blue Eyes.
He had forgotten about me. His Blue Eyes.
He had forgotten me...
FLASHBACK ENDS (Back to the present)
"That's not fair! Why am I the only one staying back to clean the court and wax the balls! Why isn't that baka kitsune doing anything?"
It was the end of practice for today. Everyone's packing and ready to leave home. I was planning to play a few more hoops back at the secret basketball court Sakuragi and Haroko trespassed before. The Gori, I mean, team captain ordered that do-aho to stay back and clean the court and wax the balls as punishment for today's outburst.
"That'll teach you to have more patience!" Akagi yelled back at him and bonked him on the head. "Besides, you started it. I want to see this place spotless and the balls waxed by tomorrow when we get back for practice, understand!"
"Not fair! Not fair! Not fair at all!"
Serves him right. He deserves being punished. He'll never learn anything right if he keeps up his utmost insanity. I don't give a damn about him. I'm just going to go to my bike and ride straight to my secret training spot.
But maybe...Maybe I should check on him just for a little while...
Damn it! Why should I check on him? His misery is none of my concern! I don't have to care whether he gets blisters waxing the balls or fall flat on the face trying to clean the court! He's none of my business! Why should I care?
Then again, I can just go and have a look, just to gloat at him for a while...
There he is, going back and forth in the court with that mop of his cleaning every inch of the place. Despite his protests, he's actually doing quite well with his job. He had the place rather clean after us leaving so much shoeprints on the floor. He stopped in the middle of the court for a while thinking about something and grinned to himself before continuing his work. I bet he's into one of his imaginations with that Haroko girl again.
Not that I'm concerned. It's just that it's stupid to continue doing things you don't like to impress a girl that doesn't even know you have feelings for her. I mean, he had no idea about basketball whatsoever, and yet he's forcing himself to take in everything just so that she would pay slight attention to him. It's just stupid and dumb.
I'm not jealous, mind you.
I just think he's stupid.
Now he's waxing the balls. I noticed the fierce concentration in his copper-brown eyes as he waxed every inch of the ball and his red hair being focused by the court lights. It almost 7pm now and judging by the number of balls we've used, I guess he'll have all night to himself. Good! I hope he suffers.
Yet...those eyes...and that hair...It's still as attractive as it used to be. The copper-brown of his eyes that shone every time he begged me to do something outrageous with him or twinkled whenever I refused, that often change according to his mood yet always look carefree and happy. The hair that had attracted my attention the first time we met, the one-of-a-kind hair no one would ever have, the hair that I always loved...
Get back to your senses, Rukawa! You hate him, remember? He stole away your virgin kiss and ran off just like that, immediately erasing you out of his mind and replacing you with a female! He left you to your guilt, pain and bitter memories and made you suffer for 11 years, and yet he's walking around happy and free and doesn't even remember what he did to you! He doesn't even remember your blue eyes anymore! He doesn't remember saying that your eyes were pretty and that it reminded him of the blue sky and that he liked it. He doesn't remember you whom he used to call Blue Eyes and you calling him Red Hair. He doesn't even remember your name even when you've said it out loud at the balcony that day! You would never forgive him for that! Never!
You hate him, remember? You hate him for whatever he had done to you and you would never forgive him. Not now, not ever!
He's doing the 3rd ball now.
…
Who am I kidding...?
…
Sigh
…
I love him…I still do…
I love him.
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