That night Ron had a fitful sleep. He somehow couldn’t get himself to forget The Broken-Hearted’s words. Him? A broken-hearted? Doomed to be one of the coldest, most distant people in the history of mankind? Him unable to love KP the way he used to? That’s a serious nightmare! He couldn’t let himself be that way! Never!
Yet the doubt was still there. The fear of being rejected still lingered inside his heart. What if she didn’t accept his confession? What if she said the famous heartbreaking words “Let’s just be friends”? What if she doesn’t even understand or is totally oblivious to it? What would he do? Surely his broken heart would shatter even more to the point where only dust will remain to be collected by the Broken-Hearted.
Suddenly the digital watch he put beside his bed beeped. Ron almost jumped. Why was his watch suddenly beeping? He didn’t remember setting the watch’s alarm. He stole a look at the watch and it was flashing, indicating that it was half past midnight. Again, The Broken-Hearted’s warning rang in his head.
“You will be visited by two spirits…”
Ron tentatively turned off the alarm and sat up slowly. He looked around at his dark room. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could make out a number of features in his room. There was the landscape painting of Paris’s night life, the cable TV, the wardrobe where he kept his clothes and luggage, the door that led to the bathroom, the table and chair beside the cable TV facing a wall mirror, the windows and finally the door that lead to the verandah. So far, so good. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Ron stole another look at his watch. 00:35 a.m., it read. Again he waited. Still there was no sign of anything indicating the arrival of spirits. Ron heaved a sigh of relief and chuckled to himself, feeling rather stupid for thinking that everything he had experienced and saw was real.
“I should’ve known this is all just a mad soda hallucination.”
“I beg to differ, mortal. We are quite real actually.”
Now Ron really jumped out of his skin. He was ready to arm himself in his fighting pose and yell his famous “I know karate” quote when he saw something very unusual. There were two little chibi-looking boys floating in the mid-air a couple of feet away from him. One had his raven-dark hair cut into an almost bald style with the remaining tied into a small ponytail. He had two reddish horns sticking out of his head and he had slightly protruding fangs, with blood-red bat-like wings to match. He looked very fair and very naughty—almost to the point of utter mischievousness—and had a loincloth fashioned out of tiger skin, with his pointed tail sticking out. His companion, on the other hand, was dark-skinned and was intelligent-looking. He had glasses on and had wavy blonde hair. He also wore a loincloth, only it was white and looked silky. He had a halo over his head and wings bigger than himself spread out wide. They looked like the classic angel and demon form, only smaller.
The only thing that puzzled Ron was that their wrists were chained together. The little spirits noticed his look and the demon grinned.
“Don’t mind us. It’s just that there’s been a little misunderstanding between us and we need to work on it. Ronald Kennedy Stoppable, right? The name’s Vilde, by the way. Sorry we’re late, our sweet angel here is at it with his tantrums again. Never a day goes by without him complaining about something!”
“I just don’t think that we should be doing this at all, this business, I mean!” the angel protested in a very thick English accent. “I’ve had it with your arrogance and your going everywhere dragging me along and seeing things we weren’t supposed to see! We’re spirits, not Peeping Toms, you know!”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” the demon Vilde groaned, rolling his eyes. “For the last time, it is our love job! We agreed to this hook, line and sinker and we took the oath to serve it for life! How exactly are we supposed to get the job done if we don’t at least take a sneak peek at what those lovebirds are doing!”
“But this is so wrong! I simply cannot…” the angel’s ranting was cut short by Ron’s raised hand.
“Err…Excuse me…Sorry for interrupting your argument but…what love exactly do you represent? You guys don’t seem like cupids to me.”
“Well, we are one of the many spirits who represents the forbidden or taboo love,” Vilde grinned proudly. “But our job is pretty much specific: aiding the fags!”
“Huh?” Ron wrinkled his nose in surprise.
“We represent gay lovers,” the angel replied, looking very bemused. “One of the most religiously condemned yet publicly revered and accepted loves in society. We are supposed to keep this love in balance so as not to overflow too much throughout society, and help those lovers get through their love life without hassle, but I, for one, am not intoned with this…”
“You are such a party pooper, sweetie!” Vilde grabbed the angel by the neck and rubbed his knuckles on his head. “He just doesn’t like having fun with those misunderstood people. Besides, he lost a bet and now stuck with me for life, and just to make sure he doesn’t run off, hence, the chain. His name is Gelan, if you must know.”
“I suppose you guys are…” Ron began but was cut short by Vilde.
“Of course! How could we forget what we’re here for! Yup, we are your guiders-in-duty, at your service!”
“More accurately speaking, we are now Spirits of Valentine’s Day Past,” Gelan corrected.
“Your Valentine’s Day Past, I might add,” Vilde cut in jovially.
“My Valentine’s Day Past?” Ron muttered out loud. “I…err…But I don’t get it…How…?”
“Touch my wing, mortal,” Gelan spread his wings closer to Ron’s face. “Touch it and we’ll take you there to show you some things.”
Ron was hesitant. Should he trust these two spirits who didn’t seem to see each other eye to eye? Should he let himself be led to some unknown world by them only to fall into The Broken-Hearted’s trap, never to return? Could this all be just another dream? If it is, then it shouldn’t be too bad…
“Come on, we haven’t got all day!” Vilde said impatiently, only to be smacked on the back of the head by Gelan. “OWW! What the hell did you do that for!”
“Patience is virtue, dear Vilde. Can you not see Ronald is trying to gather himself?”
“Yeah well, we got a roll here, don’t we? Tight schedule ahead with our clients.”
“You just want to look at men slobbering each other silly.”
Ron grinned. Their bickering somehow made him feel more relaxed. They reminded him of he and Kim when they occasionally get into rows or childish bickering. Finally he took a deep breath and reached over to touch Gelan’s wing. Both the spirits nodded and knocked chains with each other.
Soon they disappeared into a blinding flash.
“W…Where are we?”
“Take a wild guess.”
Ron stood before the fence that separated him and a very familiar-looking playground. The playground was filled with kids playing the see-saw, the swing, the slide and even the monkey bars, among all other things. Before that was a building that Ron could never forget, not even for the gold in the world.
“You know this place?” Gelan asked, floating beside him while Vilde sat on his shoulder.
“Know it?” Ron exclaimed. “I’ve been here before! This is where KP and I met! This is where it all began! This is Middleton Daycare Centre!”
Suddenly a ball flew past him. To be more exact, the ball flew through his body and past him into the neighbourhood across the street. Ron was dumbstruck. He stared in awe as he watched one of the babysitters ordering the kids to stay indoors while she gets the ball. She just went past him and didn’t even notice him. She just picked up the ball, walked past Ron again and continued playing with the kids.
“Did it just…Did she just…What has just…?” Ron was at lost of words trying to describe what he just saw.
“These are merely shadows of your past, Ronald.” Gelan replied. “They can neither see nor hear you.”
“You’ve just become a spirit like us, pal. You can only watch but not touch.” Vilde has his way of trying to sugar-coat things.
“Oh,” Ron replied, then turned back to watch the kids play ball. He soon caught sight of the toddler Kim standing on the balancing beam trying to walk across it without falling headlong onto the ground. She was as cute as he remembered her, with two pigtails and freckles just he had. She was wearing the blue dress with a blue stripe running across her chest, exactly the way they first met. He looked around and searched for his toddler self, and sure enough, there he was in his red T-shirt and navy-blue shorts, leaning on the monkey bars and throwing a ball in the air. It was obvious that his idea of a ball game wasn’t hanging with the babysitters and acting so excitedly over a ball that had seen better days than his.
“You seem so alone over there, Ronald,” Gelan said as he looked sadly at toddler Ron playing catch with himself.
“I’ve always been a little…different than the others,” Ron replied a little sadly. “I used to be unable to eat a lot of things because it causes me to have rashes. I wasn’t a very well kid back then. One wrong move and I could get the worse cold than anyone has ever got. No one really liked me in daycare. Sometimes the thought about me being such a burden to my parents may force them to not love me does cross my mind.”
“Yeah, well, you were like a half version of a bubble boy,” Vilde replied sarcastically. “I wouldn’t love myself either.”
“Vilde!” Gelan said warningly. The little demon just shrugged and give him an I’m-saying-the-facts look.
Ron didn’t retaliate or anything. He continued to watch toddler Ron playing with his ball. He repeated his movements over and over again for a few moments until he accidentally threw the ball too far. It hit Kim, who was almost about to finish her balancing beam act, squarely on the forehead and tipped her off. As she feared, she fell headlong onto the ground. The babysitter in charge exclaimed in horror and ran towards toddler Kim, asking her profusely if she was alright. Ron wanted to go over and pick her up but realized that he wouldn’t able to help out with his body that could pass through walls and stuff. He had no choice but to stand there and watch.
“You dweeb!” Toddler Kim exclaimed, rubbing her bruised head. “I almost reached the finish line!”
“Ronald Kennedy Stoppable, you apologize right this minute, or it’s time out for you!” the babysitter scolded as she patted the dust off toddler Kim’s dress. Toddler Ron stared at the babysitter for a while, then at toddler Kim, then back again. Without a word, he went over, retrieved the ball and walked off without even a single sign of regret. The babysitter’s nose flared in anger and yelled after him, “Ronald Kennedy Stoppable! You come back here right this minute! Ronald!”
Before the babysitter got to get her hands on toddler Ron, he had already disappeared somewhere else. She muttered a curse under her breath before ushering all the kids back into the building. Ron glared at the babysitter in hatred. Gelan and Vilde turned to him.
“Boy, you sure got guts to just walk off like that now, didn’t you, ol’ boy?” Vilde commented. “I can give you that.”
“Something bothering you, Ronald?” Gelan asked, concerned.
“I’ve always hated Mrs. Massey,” Ron said, his tone betraying his suppressed feelings. “She smoked pot in the children’s bathroom when she thinks no one’s looking, stole a kid’s snack or two whenever she wanted sweet stuff ‘coz she spent all her money on coke and pot and occasionally bullied and abused kids when they don’t listen to her and stuff, threatening them not to tell their parents on her. I was one of those kids who dared to stand up at her. None of us seemed to understand why the head of the daycare never found out about her. She was such a two-face.”
“Hm, sounds like a bad-to-the-core mortal if I ever saw one. My kind of woman,” Vilde stroke his chin in interest, resulting to Gelan’s glare. He quickly changed the subject and said, “She’s dead now, isn’t she?”
“Overdose,” Ron nodded. “They found her in the boys’ bathroom all pale and glazed and everything. Happened a couple of years after I left Middleton Daycare.”
Soon Ron found himself standing at the back of the building. He recognized it as a small forest behind the daycare centre where only he dared to venture. Before he could ask what were they doing here, he saw toddler Ron sitting on a sandbox rolling the ball on the sand. There was dirt all over his shorts, his legs and his hands. Ron knelt down beside his toddler self, wanting to reach over and stroke his hair but knew it wouldn’t both of them either good.
“You made this sandbox by yourself, didn’t you?” Gelan asked. Ron nodded. The sandbox wasn’t much—just a mound of sand being boxed together with four planks of upright wood—but he was proud of it. He really liked that sandbox. It was like his own world where no one would bother him or anything and he could be alone without any trouble from either Mrs. Massey or the kids. While Ron was engrossed watching silent toddler Ron play alone with his ball, someone was approaching. Ron looked up and saw that it was toddler Kim with gauze on her forehead. She looked rather sulky and bemused and had her arms crossed. Ron looked up timidly at her and remained quiet. Her jade-green eyes bore at his hazel-brown ones and for a long, long time, they never spoke. Finally toddler Kim broke the ice.
“You could’ve at least said sorry. That fall really hurt, you know.”
Toddler Ron stared at her innocently for a moment or two before looking away and muttered, “Sorry.”
Slowly but steadily, toddler Kim squatted down and said, “I know you’ve been hanging around here. You’re always disappearing and stuff and one day, I just kinda stalked you down here. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, it’s OK.”
“My name is Kimberly. Kimberly Anne Possible,” toddler Kim held out her hand to him. “You can call me Kim. What’s your name?”
“…Ronald. Ronald Kennedy Stoppable,” toddler Ron took her hand and shook it. “Call me Ron.”
“That is so sweet,” Vilde purred in a mocking cute voice. “And you guys actually met on Valentine’s Day! How wonderful!”
Ron lit up. Valentine’s Day? It was today? It was on that fateful day they met? How could he have forgotten that? How could he have let himself hate the day they met?
“She was the one who finally got you to be more open about yourself, didn’t she? Let you realize the Ronster in you, didn’t she?” Gelan asked, looking at Ron sideways. Ron shifted his slowly welled-up eyes away.
“Yes…it was a beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Ron soon found himself inside the building of Middleton Daycare Centre. He saw all the little kids gathering around on their desks doing arts and crafts. The babysitters were teaching the little children about Valentine’s Day and how to make a Valentine’s Day card. Toddler Kim, Ron and 2 other kids were sitting in a group at another desk with their arts and crafts utensils ready. The whole room was filled with laughter and chattering of little kids and instructions from the grownups as they cut and paste their way into making the best Valentine’s Day card ever. After about half an hour or so, all the kids were excited with their finished masterpiece.
That was when toddler Ron took his Valentine’s Day card and passed it to toddler Kim, saying, “Kim, will you be my Valentine?”
“Eww! Look, Ms. Willie, Ronald’s got the cooties!” the 2 kids who sat at the same desk grimaced in disgust, followed by the rest of the kids. The babysitters chuckled heartily at toddler Ron and Kim’s antics. Vilde practically laughed his head while Gelan glared at his partner in distaste. Ron blushed. Did he actually say that?
“Now, now, kids. It’s not a bad thing to ask someone to be their Valentine. That means you care for them.”
“Will you be my Valentine, Kim?” toddler Ron asked again, holding the card he made at her. Kim stared at it for a while before taking it into her hands.
“Sure I will, Ron. I’ll be your Valentine.”
“And will you promise to be my bestest, best friend until we get married and live happily ever after?” This time, Vilde really laughed like a maniac and Gelan was thrown off guard. Ron couldn’t believe his ears. Did he really, really say that in front of all the grownups and kids in the daycare centre?
“Yes, I will, Ron. I’ll be your bestest best friend.” Kim replied, as if it was the natural thing to do.
“Man! You sure know how to please a lady now, don’t you, Ronster?” Vilde said breathlessly as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
“It seems like you have already made a pact with Miss Possible before you even knew you had a crush on her,” Gelan sighed and shook his head. “Kids are just so full of surprises.”
“Well, on with the next show!”
“Now where are we?” Ron asked, his head a little woozy from the blinding light trip. He found himself sitting in what seemed like a seat on a school bus, with Vilde and Gelan sitting on either side of his shoulders. “Where’s this bus heading?”
“Your most favourite place, Camp Wannaweep,” Vilde replied, grinning.
“WHAT!” The last thing he wanted to hear was that dreaded camp that bred nightmares from hell.
“Don’t worry, Ronald,” Gelan calmed him, obviously tired of having to put up with Vilde’s prankster attitude. “This bus is going away from Camp Wannaweep. I think you know what you did after getting off that bus.”
How could he forget? Days of eating food that could be infested with jungle parasite and only living off junk food he stored under the floor of Dorm 13 left him famished for Bueno Nachos. That was when he realized that he was actually sitting beside grade school Ron who was close to the window, his eyes looking longingly out to see if they were anywhere near civilization. He understood exactly how he felt. He knew he couldn’t help wanting to get out of Camp Wannaweep after Gill’s issue. Ron grinned as he continued looking at grade school Ron’s forlorn face as the bus brought them closer and closer towards Middleton Town.
Soon, another flash went by and Ron found himself at Bueno Nachos beside grade school Ron munching hungrily on almost about 5 helpings of tacos and burritos, with soda and sundae to go. Once in a while he stole a look at his watch. Ron smiled. He remembered this scene.
“You’re gonna meet someone, aren’t you?” Vilde asked cunningly.
“Kim. We promised to meet here so that she could join me for food,” Ron nodded. “I’m even buying for her with all the money I’ve got in my pocket. Maybe enough for about 3 helpings.”
“Wow! You remembered down to the last detail, Ronster my man. I’m impressed.”
Just as he said it, grade school Kim came walking into Bueno Nachos in her green belly-button singlet and navy-blue Club Banana pants (the very first KP fashion statement). As expected, Ron saw grade school Ron stared at her in awe, as if he had never seen her in a hundred years and that she had changed from a little girl to a beautiful lady. Ron smiled. There she was. The exact way, the exact atmosphere, the exact feeling he had when she stepped into Bueno Nachos and right in front of him. She still had her hair tied into a ponytail and still had her braces, but there was something in her, something so feminine that he had not expect her to have, suddenly blooming out of her whole body. It was someone he had never expected to see from her. Not one bit.
“Like my new clothes?” grade school Kim asked, showing off her clothes. “Got this from this place called Club Banana. Their designs really rock. Thought I could try a little teen look, you know? That grade school look was so last season. So, what do you think?”
“Um…It’s…It’s great,” grade school Ron replied, almost stammering. “Looks real good on you, KP. I like it.”
“Great! Then it must be the reason Walter Nelson came to me.”
“W…Walter Nelson…?”
“Yeah, you know, that new guy in Geometry class? He is such a hottie. And he at least had braces like me, which is so totally the thing for me. I was actually wearing this when I went shopping at Club Banana for a new sweatshirt and guess what? He actually came up to me yesterday before you called me to meet up and asked me to go to tomorrow’s Valentine Celebration Night down at Upperton. I really didn’t expect him to ask me to go or anything…”
Grade school Ron’s face had gone from awe to low. Ron’s heart ached seeing this history repeating in front of him. He moved away from his seat and out of the restaurant, hugging himself, his eyes shut tight, trying to block out the tears from falling and the pain from overflowing from his already aching heart. Gelan and Vilde followed behind him. Ron took one last look at grade school Kim and Ron chit-chatting with Ron forcing a smile or two after seeing Kim being so happy and elated, and began choking in his words.
“Why are you showing me this? This is not what I want to see…”
“Hey, man. It’s not like we want that to happen. We’re just showing you the facts, that’s all,” Vilde had that It-ain’t-my-fault tone. Typical for a little demon. “Besides, you can’t blame us for you having a sudden crush on Miss Possible and hearing she had a crush on someone else at the same time!”
“After all,” Gelan said, his tone for once backing up his partner, “what is your tiny crush for Miss Possible have to compare with her crush with Walter Nelson? She could’ve had this crush on him a long time ago and you’ve never even noticed.”
“Anywho, like she said, he had braces just like hers. A match made in heaven. Don’t you think she deserved him?”
“No, she doesn’t!” Ron blurted out. “That crush I had on that day surpasses any long time crushes she had on anyone else! I…I even made a pact with her in pre-K! You guys saw it too!”
“A pact only a child could make and a child could forget through time,” Gelan noted.
“Still, that day when I saw her, it was like my whole life had changed. Like my life has gone into a new chapter where the twist had finally worked itself into place and made it obvious. She wasn’t the KP I knew back then before I went to summer camp, the one who decided going online to advertise babysitting with a quote ‘I can do anything’ would do great for her pocket money savings. She was different. When I saw her that day, instantly I knew that she was the one for me. I knew it the moment I saw her!”
“Yet that day when they locked braces, you still offered to help them by getting your mother to take them to the orthodontist to peel them off, then stayed behind to comfort her when Walter Nelson walked out of her out of embarrassment,” Gelan reminded.
“Yeah, and you said ‘There are still other fishes in the sea out for you. Don’t despair’. You’re not gonna deny that you kinda let her pursue other guys instead of hinting that it was you who wanted to woo her now, are you?” Vilde gave Ron a look that Ron didn’t know what else to retaliate. Seeing he wasn’t talking, Vilde added, “You sure you’re not getting a little ahead of yourself, are you, Ronster?”
“Come, we have another one scene to show you,” Gelan said as he spread out his wing for Ron. Ron shook his head in fear.
“Please, no more. I don’t want to see anymore pain.”
“Come on, kid. Another one won’t kill ya,” Vilde said as he dragged his partner’s wing so it touched Ron’s hand. Within seconds, he found himself standing outside the door of the janitor’s closet of Middleton High. Ron knew this scene too well. It was when Kim had dumped and accidentally locked Ron inside the closet when she was too engrossed hanging with Josh Mankey to notice. The janitor had just come to help get him out and was fumbling with the keys for the door. The first thing teen Ron did once he was out was to look for Kim. Ron could tell from his looks that he was ready to give Kim a telling off. He was ready to yell at Kim for the nerve she had to leave him stranded in the closet without caring about his life or death. He was ready to tell her that he had discovered Josh Mankey to be a player back in grade school and had broken a few hearts while he was in the middle of high school, and that he didn’t want her to hang out with that kind of person. And most importantly, he was ready to tell her how he felt for her, to confess to her.
Ron followed himself all the way to the school entrance. The dance was over and most of the students have already left. Only a handful and the school workers remained to have a little snack of what’s leftover at the buffet table or just talk. Teen Ron managed to catch up with them halfway when all of a sudden he stopped. He was staring at the blissful happy face of high school Kim as she joked and chat with Josk Mankey who offered her to walk her home. Ron knew that look as he watched her too. The happy smile on her face, the gleeful way her voice rose and fell as she talked about her recent rescue attempt, and that sparkle in her eyes when she looked into Josh’s blue orbs…How could he even dare to just go up there and tell her off? It would just upright embarrass her and break her heart knowing that the guy she had been pining for was a player. What would it do to their friendship in the future? In the end, he let out a sigh in defeat and turned towards the direction of his home. Ron spun round and wanted to go after him but he felt like as if his feet were rooted to the ground.
“Go after her, you idiot!” Ron exclaimed, calling after himself. “This is your chance! Go after her!”
“Give it up, Ronster,” Vilde sighed apathetically. “He can’t hear you. He’s just as dumb as you are.”
“You did not fulfill your plans. You’ve forfeited it again, just as you’ve forfeited your chance with the Nelson incident,” Gelan said, feeling rather sad for Ron’s situation. “You blew it, Ronald. You’ve failed.”
“That’s not fair!” Ron turned sharply at them, tears beginning to well up in his hazel-brown eyes. “I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t ready to let her know. I didn’t dare to break her heart. I didn’t want to tell her the truth about Josh because I didn’t want her to get hurt. It was better for her to find out about it herself! I didn’t confess to her when she broke it off with Walter either because I didn’t want her to think that I was taking advantage of her vulnerability! I didn’t do anything because I cared for her! She would’ve done the same thing for me!”
“But she’s not you, isn’t it? How would you know?” Vilde said with his arms crossed. Ron wanted to say something but was cut by the demon’s continuation. “Besides, it would’ve saved her the trouble just telling her now and heartbreak momentarily than letting her find out herself and suffer the longer impact.”
“You know you could’ve done it. You know it was a necessary evil to capture her heart and prove yourself, don’t you, Ronald?”
“I…I…” Ron didn’t know what to say. He knew they were right. He knew. And the truth hurt.
“Guess that’s where the ‘Valentine’s are for mushy people’ came from, huh?”
Ron gasped. A brief memory of the next day after that failed confession attempt, Kim had received a Valentine’s Day card from Josh slipped into her locker. Kim wanted to show Ron the card but receive a bitter reproach from Ron saying that Valentine’s are for mushy people. Lucky for him, Kim was too love-struck to notice. She only found out the truth about Josh 3 days after that Halloween incident (the incident where Kim lied for the first time and got herself grounded for a month). And again, he was there to comfort her.
“Old habits die hard, baby,” Vilde said as he sat on Ron’s left shoulder. Gelan joined him on the right.
“Humans tend to be unable to learn from their past mistakes and rather shut it out of their heads, repeating the same mistake again later.”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Leave me alone!” Ron yelled as he thrashed his hands, trying to fling away the spirits off his shoulders.
“You’ve always been alone anyway, mortal,” the spirits’ words slowly became fainter and fainter. “Alone…Alone…Alone…Alone…Alone…”
Ron let out an exasperated yell and started running, tears flowing freely out of his eyes. He ran and ran and didn’t think he would stop. He just wanted to get away from all these painful Valentine memories that have been haunting him and stabbing his heart like a knife and those treacherous spirits’ voices. This is not real. It can’t be real. They were just playing with his mind, using his memories to make him feel bad about himself. He had to get away. He had to. He had to…
Suddenly he tripped. Instead of the hard-rock floor as he expected, it was the soft bed of the room of the Paris hotel they stayed for the special shooting of the MTV for their new song. Ron looked around, his mind slightly disoriented, before remembering his journey through the past with Vilde and Gelan, the two Spirits of Valentine’s Day Past. He remembered clearly all the scenes and all the words the two spirits has said to him, and his heart ached just thinking about it.
Burying his face on the pillow, he cried himself to sleep.
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